Regret

I actually wrote out a list yesterday morning. It was quite lengthy, and I just kept breathing and telling myself, "It's just a tool. Not everything has to get nor will it be done today."

The anxiety would not ease up but I plowed on determined to get something accomplished. I was trucking on quite nicely, and stopped chores to pop on Facebook/FarmTown to harvest some grapes.

Then, it happened.

My laptop died.

No warning signs. No bells. No whistles.

She just froze up, looked at me like,"Can't.Do.Any.More," and was gone.

I did an emergency turn off, got it back up to the desktop, and she froze again. She took one last breath and that was it.

I had a great many things on that laptop:

-The Book; I was only about 12 chapters into it.
-iTunes library
-every educational paper I've ever written
-many, MANY pictures that had never been developed into actual photos
-other book ideas I have started
-my favorite short story
-other things my grief and ignorance won't allow me to remember

It's a shame that I wasn't famous already; I could talk about it for the next month and speculate on who sabotaged me as if I was a certain pop singer.

I guess in all fairness, I need to give Big Daddy his props. He had asked me only four or twelve dozen times if I needed anything to back-up my work. Especially my book.

(Ok. I need to say this as well. Not that you all aren't great cheerleaders, but my husband has never been more supportive or positive about anything I want to do than he has on this book idea. He honestly thinks I should write and that someday I will get published. Could be false-hope but it still feels good, you know?)

Every time he would mention it, I would be all, "Yeah. Sure. I'll look. I think it'll fit on my flash drive."

Yes, Honey. You were right. I should have done it when you asked.


It could be a sign....