Further Proof That I'm Not An Irrational Person

Or Reason #4432 Living in the South Isn't Always Fun and Games


Yesterday was about 96 degrees. At the cooler part of the day.

And "cooler" as described by the meteorologists this morning since we are under a heat advisory.

Again.

Anyway, the grass needed to be mowed. And being that it was so chilly out this weekend, I thought Darrin and I would knock it out.

Important note here: I don't mow. I don't pull weeds. I don't clean/organize the garage. Everything beyond the back door to the garage is considered Manland. The menfolk take care of these chores. I used to mow before the boys were promoted, but it is thought that I was the reason that our mowers break down. Whatever. Telling me that I don't have to mow anymore is like telling me I have $100 to spend at Goodwill. No tears will be shed, I can assure you.

So, Big Daddy was working a double yesterday; one of three this week. He has no days off and don't forget that the temperature is going to spike. Heat advisory! Nicholas wasn't feeling well yesterday. He has an allergy/summer cold thing going on. I stepped up and bribed asked nicely for Darrin to help me.

He complained it was too hot. I assured him it was cool outside.

We finally get started. I am weedwackin' around the front flower bed. I hit the gutter and a swarm of angry wasps coming flying out. I am afraid that they will sting me, and I'll have to go to the hospital. (Allergic to bees AND Benedryl).

Darrin gets a nosebleed (not unusual), but he is hot and it won't stop. I worry that I'll have to take him to the hospital if it doesn't quit soon. It finally did after about twenty minutes.

Darrin shakes a bush and another swarm of wasps come flying out. I have to get spray and battle them so we can retrieve the running mower he left. Previous fear comes back.

I am pulling these weeds neglected dead flowers in a back flower bed. Being that it is cool, I fear unearthing or disturbing a sleeping snake. Further, this ticked off snake will bite me, and I'll have to go to the hospital.

We barely finished alive, I tell ya*.

All that cool air and sunshine must have gotten to me because by 8:30 I was in bed with a book. By 8:31, I was asleep.

I woke up later and thought it was just 10:00. Then I heard a couple of noises. I wasn't sure what it was, but I figured whatever was going to happen would and chose to stay upstairs in bed. You know, to protect the young-ins and all.

Not too much longer, Big Daddy came upstairs. It was closer to 11:00. I was awake(ish) and gave him a sleepy, "Hi."

He gives me a kiss and says, "I just got a snake in the driveway." (Source of the noise I heard.)

Suddenly, I was wide awake.

Apparently, he was pulling up in the driveway and a three or twelve foot snake was behind my car and HEADING TOWARD THE GARAGE.

If that wasn't enough, he says, "I'm not surprised. You leave the garage door open all the time."

Yes, I am sure that nasty serpent has been watching our house for the LAST FOUR YEARS and decided to make his move last night. It's all my fault.

Long story short (ha):

• He has seen snakes in the yard. ::shivers::
  
• He doesn't know why he hasn't told me. (Um, I think we all know the answer to that.)
• I will make sure I have a day's supply of beverages in the inside fridge before he leaves so that I don't have to go in the garage.
• I will not be opening the garage door except to bring in groceries. I will be carrying a hoe and wearing boots.
  
• *I don't usually have repeating thoughts of having to go to the hospital. Be it me or my children.
  
• I have and always will have a fear of coming across a snake.
• The first time he flung the snake out of the drive, IT CAME BACK.
• The second time he flung the snake into our neighbor's yard.
• Please note he didn't KILL the snake.
  
• You know the snake will be back. For revenge.