I hadn't meant to not post. It wasn't the plan.
Actually, I had every intention of posting everyday because of something I read somewhere. Practice in writing, keeping the creative juices flowing, building up a readership, and all that jazz.
Now I see I have lost a follower; my sincere apologies to whomever I disappointed.
I haven't even been commenting much, if at all, the last few days. I'll get back on it, I promise.
The truth of the matter is that I fell.
I was there once-a few of you already know- and it was bad. I was thisclose to being there again. Monday morning, I looked in the mirror, and managed to stop crying long enough to realize there was no way I could face the fifth graders. I called in for a sub (oh the irony) and called my husband. He must have known because he came home.
That was a miracle of its own.
Monday is sort of a blur. I remember getting snippy at the nurse because they asked me if I was still on birth control pills.
Apparently I said something like, "Would you please highlight HYSTERECTOMY on the front of my chart? Of course I don't take birth control. Why can't you people get it right?"
Today is the first day I have smiled-and felt like it. I am still not near where I want to be. It will take some time.
I have went for just over seven years without any medication. There were times that I thought I needed it again, but some how managed to pull myself up out of it, with major help coming from my husband, no doubt.
Part of me wants to hope that I'll just need it to help me get through this rough patch. The other part of me accepts that maybe I just need the extra help. I'd take medicine for any other illness if it were prescribed; this should be no different.
In time, I'll be ok. I've missed so much of my childrens' lives already; I can't afford to lose any more.
It feels better putting it out there in the open. Thanks for reading.
For personal reasons, I have closed the comments on this post. I appreciate all your kind thoughts.
