5/28/10

Breaking the Rules Part 2

Get part 1 here
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In order to understand the pain I felt from Nick's comment, I feel like I need to back up a little bit.

Some of you know more about this subject than others, it's a pretty painful topic for me to talk about. And then there is the fact this is a public blog, and I like it that way, so some things just aren't going to make the cut.

To make a long, complicated, and now confusing story short, I decided a long time ago that I didn't want to have any more children after I had Jessica. There are too many things that I went through with her and my parents. I felt at the ripe old age of 19 (by the time I made my decision)that I wasn't good enough as a mother, so I would not be having more.

Enter, Big Daddy. At the time we started dating, Jessica had just turned 4, he had just turned 31, and I was 22. He feel in love with both of us and was willing to be a part of her life and supported my decision not to have any children.

Two years later, Nicholas enters the scene. And not for lack of trying not to, I'd like to add. We could have been spokespeople for proper precautions. Rather, we turned into the "less than 1% failure rate" statistic.

Nicholas turns out to be a model baby. Sweet, happy, always smiling--we couldn't have asked for a better baby. That is probably why I thought it would be a good idea to have just one more and started trying when he was a mere six months old.

Nine months later, exactly two months and five days from Nick's first birthday, Darrin came to the party.

Darrin was just as good as Nicholas. In hindsight that is probably a good thing. I would not recommend choosing to have your children that close together. Not that I have anything to compare it to, but I'd like to think twins would have been easier.

But, my demons, they just wouldn't stay quiet.

To be continued...

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