I love that I am participating in a 30-day blog challenge. Of course, I use the word "participating" loosely because I have no tips on how to make money online, build a bigger business, or any of the other lovely things the other 248 participants have to offer. And I may have missed a day or three.
Mostly, I am the chic at the party, sitting alone, sipping a Diet Coke, and hoping that no one is talking about my dish that I brought.
I guess that I like that it is keeping me thinking. It keeps me writing. And isn't that the point of the challenge to begin with?
Honestly, I thought it would keep me writing beyond this blog. Like the book I told my husband I would have finished by the end of July. Or the short story that is due at the end of August. Or finally get physically involved with the writing group I have been a part of since this time last year.
Except, I have done none of those things.
The other night I realized that I am afraid to do those things. I am afraid that I won't succeed. That my short story won't be selected. Or my book won't be picked up by a publishing house. As passionate as I am to be a writer, it isn't the writing that gives me pause. It's the fact that it would all be for naught.
Perhaps it's the pessimistic side of me coming out. Why would I spend all that time writing only to have someone say, "Sorry. It's just not what we are looking for." I have never succeeded at anything I have attempted, so why would this be any different?
Actually, if I take a step back and analyze the situation at hand, it could be said that is the lazy way out. To try and accomplish something I claim to be "so passionate" about and not try, not work hard at something I "love" is pure lazy. Just as I haven't lost the weight that I claim daily bugs me as I eat another handful of M&M's. Or got the house back to the way that I like. Or saved money. Or worked with the boys on their math facts. Or Darrin's reading. Or couponing.
Life is not simple. Nothing worth having comes easy. There is no easy button. (Well actually, you can purchase one at Staples, but I doubt that pressing it would just make things happen.) No fairy godmother is going to appear out of thin air and wave her magic wand. No publisher is going to post a comment and say, "We like you. Here is a check. You have until August to hand in the first draft."
I am not sure there is a point to this post. It started out to have one, but I lost it a couple of hours ago. These other words just sort of spilled out of my fingers.
It's time to turn over a new leaf.
Who wants to hold me accountable?