10/7/11

Writing Through a Lens

Zen Gold
Zen or finding enlightenment, i.e., a release
Everyone, regardless of arguments otherwise, needs a release valve. A way to get rid of feelings that are pent-up up and to make sense of it all.

For me, like many others it is writing. I didn't discover this until much later, well after I had already started blogging.

Then, again like many others, I discovered how much I liked writing about things I was thinking about or feeling to an audience and the response I got from them. The feeling is something akin to calling a friend to chat, without the guilty feelings I always get. Things like, "Is she busy but won't say?" or "I hope I am not interrupting dinner." Or even worse, desperately needing to talk, only to call and get no answer.

For me, writing is the perfect way to release my pent up frustrations and clear my mind.

Melted lens
A filter doesn't show the whole picture
But it is difficult, I am learning, to be a lifestyle/ memoir writer in the blog world. There are too many rules attached. Some rules were put upon me long ago by my husband, and some have just seemed to develop over time.

No one wants to read the sad stuff.

I can't write about the asinine things that my husband's "superiors" do/say without fear of being found out.

I can't write about certain interactions without fear that someone from the community will assume it is him or her and cause me some sort of grief.

Lately, I have felt as if my writing here, although sporadic as of late, doesn't portray my real life. While I can absolutely attest that I am one hundred percent honest in everything written (unless otherwise noted), on the whole, my blog doesn't give an accurate picture to how my life really is. As if you could walk into my house today and feel like you've known me forever. Or at least since 2002 when I started.

Maybe I am growing up. Maybe the truth is that even in creative non-fiction, there is something of a filter that is expected. We can't all go around saying what we really think. Why would writing be any different?

However, you can bear witness to this fact: After the two phone calls I received this evening, both from the same person, there will come a time that my filter will be turned off. I will be unstoppable. I will have my say and I will write about it.

I just hope that time doesn't come too soon.




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