Don't tell me you weren't warned

Dear Future-Daughter-In-Laws:

I am telling you this now, so that you may prepare yourselves. I do not want calls made in haste asking me such things as why he pees everywhere even if he puts the seat up. And for the love of all that is good, DO NOT believe him when he says, "Well, my mom always did it for me."

Unless he follows up the sentence with, "...when I was two," it is with 100% certainty that he has told you a lie.

True, I have failed as a mother in some aspects. However, it can not be said that I didn't try. I thought I was going to break the mold and raise two fine young men that broke all the stereotypes associated with men.

Here is the truth and it's two-fold:
1. All things "man-like" is genetic trait, and
2. The buckeye doesn't fall far from the tree.

Don't get me wrong: he can be sweet. He'll flash those baby blues/dark browns and give a little blink, and you'll feel like you'll fall into puddle of jelly. Be firm! This is only a tactic! This is exactly how he will try to get around things.

Other common phrases I like to call, The Cop-Outs:

• "I didn't hear you."
• "Oh, I forgot."
• "I was waiting for a commercial."
• "I thought you meant tomorrow."
• "Are you sure you told me?"
• "I don't remember having that converstation."
• "Oh. I was sleeping."

Invest in a tape recorder, notebook that can fit in your purse, a good pen (ballpoint-no pencils, they break), note cards, post-its, calender (NO DRY ERASE), and a second set of eyes and ears.

There will be some good times. He'll bring you a Diet Coke or some M&Ms when you are feeling blue. (Just an example; your feel good items may vary from mine.) He will call you on his way home from work. He may even offer to cook dinner.

Again, while these are the niceties,  you have to shovel a lot of crap to find a tiny diamond.

It will be rare that the dirty clothes will make it to the hamper. If you don't get into a habit of picking them up, he'll do better about getting turned in a timely manner.

It will be rare that a dirty dish gets put into an empty dishwasher. The male mind can wrap his mind around the possibility that it is OKAY to put one plate inside. They would rather that the sink is overflowing first.

He will always know where things are kept. Even if you moved them. However, he will NOT remember where he got said item. Male memory is selective.

Same thing with hearing. He heard you. He wasn't listening. There is a difference (to him).

The words that are coming out of his mouth may not be exactly what he means. The exceptions to this rule are: money, sports figures, food, and well, let's not discuss that here.

 All in all, he is not a bad catch. Not that I am prejudiced or anything. I just want you to know what you are getting into. Don't tell me later you weren't warned.

Love always,
Your MIL
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Momma's Boy(s)

When I was pregnant with my daughter some eighteen years ago, I never read any books on what I should expect during pregnancy, during birth, or beyond. I may have browsed the pamphlets and literature that was handed to me by the doctor and the Lamaze instructor.

The internet hadn't been invented yet (can you imagine how we even SURVIVED?!?) or if it had, we didn't have it. I had a mother that was perfectly content giving me all the glory and gory details of the upcoming event.

Fast forward several years when I was pregnant with my second child. Internet was available to a limited few, (not me) but I read every single book I could get my hands on. As a matter of fact, about the third time I came home from work with yet another sack from the bookstore, my husband said, "Really. I think you have enough books. What else could you possibly NOT know?"

That was the last time he ever cut me off books. However, I don't buy them new anymore either.

We're both fast learners.

There was a lot of things I didn't know. Some things had changed since I had my first child. One of the main things I didn't know was that second child I KNEW was going to be a girl was in fact a very large, ten pound bouncing baby boy.

(Yes, ladies. Ten whole pounds. And he came to town through the main highway.)

But a boy?!? I didn't know how to deal with all that stuff. Anyway, we made it through with flying colors and when I got pregnant with my third child a mere six months later, I don't think I cracked open any of those books that were collecting dust already.

I've been thinking that there is a reason that the books don't tell you what to expect after the second year.

No other child would be born. Ever.

The Trying Threes (none of my kids had the Terrible Twos) were nothing like the Pre-Teen years we are going through with the boys. Thankfully, my daughter really didn't give us much grief. She was pretty easy going. Still is.

But the boys? They are the reason that I have grey hair, sleepless nights, adult onset acne, and a secret stash of chocolate.

To make life even more complicated, they are polar opposites. When it is said that "opposites attract," it's not siblings that are being referenced. Believe it.

So to sum it up, we have two completely different personalities, unpredictable surging hormones that can't be helped with Midol or chocolate, unsatiable appetites for foods that aren't in the house, and the inability to hear my requests to pick up ____ (backpack, socks, clean laundry, books, etc.)

I have been making it my life's mission to inform everyone that I can of the impending doom that is boys. Only, I don't have any reference past eleven-almost-twelve. While, I am trying to spread the knowledge as far as I can, I also have to deal with the day-to-day activities and HOPE that I am not making some critical error that will forever alter his, mine, or our life path therefore insuring any and all success he could have had coming to him had I ____ (whatever.)

If I don't let him audition for the play, will that stunt his future chances of becoming an Oscar-nominated actor? (Because it is an honor to just be nominated.)

If don't get him a cell phone so that he can text with all his fifth-grade friends, does that mean he will be ousted and it will hinder his ability to win the election for class president his senior year thereby eliminating colleges he can apply to?

No matter what I decide or not to do with these boys, I am afraid of any possible damage. Big Daddy says that I am doing a good job and that they will have plenty of fodder for the tell-all book that will be written.

He's quite the active partner in the parenting process.

I've been working hard and diligently working on raising respectable children that will grow up to be responsible adults. The last couple of months have been much better than the six prior, but it is still a jiggling act at best.

Don't misunderstand me. I love my boys with every fiber of my being. I can't imagine my life without them. If I was given the ability to a do-over and have only girls, I wouldn't do it.

But you need to heed my warning: Boys are harder than girls. They will work your last nerve.

I have no doubt that should any of my children find themselves in need of therapy later in life, I will be blamed for everything.

I also have no doubt that should one, two, or three of them become famous their father will be the one that is thanked before I am.

I can live with that.

The Ghouls Grew Up

As I mentioned in my last post, the boys didn't go trick or treating.

It's the end of an era. On one hand, it seemed like we'd be getting them decked out and TOTing forever. We never thought the day would come that we'd get to sit at the house together and pass out candy. On the other, we didn't want to stop.

Suddenly, without any warning, we were there. Or here. Whichever.

It all started with the neighbor boys. They and my boys are BFFs. For real. The neighbor boys and their family don't celebrate Halloween. That's fine. I can respect that.

Instead, on Halloween night, their church has a Fun Festival. Blowups, games, candy and the like. Last year, Nick wanted to give up TOT and go with them.

He came home declaring he would always go to church on Halloween.

Darrin, not one to give up a chance at at dressing up and getting a bag full of chocolaty goodness because he is my child, wasn't ready to give up the TOT.

Somehow the powers that be persuaded him to the light side. Alas, Big Daddy were left alone. On our most favorite holiday of the year.

I must have been mourning the loss unconsciously because 1) I didn't get a costume together, 2)I didn't decorate the house, and 3) I actually suggested that we just go out to dinner therefore denying all contact with other families whose children still like dressing up and traipsing from house to house for a handful of sugar, artificial flavorings, and dye.

Big Daddy apparently is not a force to be reckoned with. He came home with a mask for himself, and a witch hat (subliminal message, I believe) for me--some leftover freebie crap from the store. We had already bought candy to pass out and was going to sit outside anyway. We just dressed up for the occasion.



I never got a full-length picture of my last minute get-up, but let me assure you, Tim Gunn would NOT have been impressed.

(Which would have broken my heart to actually hear him say that.)




Our his pitiful attempt at a few decorations. I guess I should have done something, but it seemed like it was too late. His costume was great and several kids were scared.

(I had to admit, it really was creepy.)

There were a good bit of kids out, not as many as in years past. And it seemed like we were getting skipped. After awhile, we adjusted the lighting and that seemed to help. We may have been too dark as we had black lights on the front porch.

All in all, it wasn't a horrible Halloween. I guess now it is time to amp it up and start having the parties we have always dreamed of having.

The Winds of Change

Clearly I have fallen off the bloggy wagon.

I must have fallen off the front side, because there have been some days that I felt like it ran me over, backed up, and hit me again.

There may be a hundred and one reasons why I haven't made a blog entry, but they sound like excuses. I real writer will get the words typed regardless, right?

Here are a few highlights over the past couple of weeks (in no certain order):

• Big Daddy was on vacation. Again.
  
• Big Daddy's daddy was here for almost a week.
  
• I was forced tricked paid handsomely asked nicely to volunteer my services as secretary of the Band Boosters at Nick's school.
• I have read several books. I just can't get enough. It's my escapism. I would literally read from daylight til dark. Examples include: Water for Elephants, The Other Mother, Secrets of a Former Fat Girl, and another whose title escapes me at the moment.
  
• I did manage to do some writing in-between. You know, to prove to Big Daddy that it is a J.O.B.
• Getting caught up with season 2 of "Teen Mom."
  

I would like to say that the posting will get more consistent. I am sure that it will, because as of tomorrow morning, I am tied (not literally) to my computer from daylight until dark. Not only is tomorrow the start of NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), I have GOT to get more copy written and start bringin' in the cheddar.

I hope everyone has a safe and happy Halloween. Big Daddy and I will be passing out candy and mourning the loss of dress up and the like.

This is the first year the boys are choosing not to go trick-or-treating. They are going to church with the neighbor boys instead because, "It's way more cooler than dressing up."

Boo-ya.

The House of pain

I went to bed last night feeling bad that I hadn't made a post on Sunday. Not bad enough to get up and actually write one, mind you, but bad nonetheless.

Of course, all of my three readers would be not be disappointed as I commonly use the words, "...posting regularly soon..." only to skip a day or seven. I am all about consistency.

This morning, I am a bit disturbed over my sleep. I went to sleep watching "House" last night. This show is a recent addition to my schedule as I could never get into before. The fact that he was Stuart Little's father just kept going through my mind.

(Don't try to analyze my thought processes. It's not worth your own sanity.)

So any rate, I consciously thought last night, "You know, behind that sarcastic, narcissistic, drug-addicted front lies a man that actually has a heart. And isn't hard to look at either."

Wouldn't you know I dreamed I went out with him? And although I didn't dream the actual date, before I woke up I was waiting for him to call me again.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Yesterday, I was asked nicely tricked coerced bribed into going and help with Project Clean Up.

The original plan was that he and the boys were camping out there Saturday night. Only, the big attraction was canceled and all the vendors were packing up and leaving after the concert. This made him nervous that not many people would be milling about. The park is located on the rough part of town. Many people that live in said neighborhood had seen him and his tent. Many of these people were also people that had stolen in his store and he had testified against in court.

You know, that old chestnut.


With that being said, he decided to come home. Which wasn't a big deal to me even though I ended up being up until 1:30. Until the alarm went off at 6:30. And he woke me up.

He needed help tearing down the tent before the guys came with the trailer. In other words, packing and organizing all the bits and pieces.

This bit of information might have been helpful BEFORE I went to sleep. You know, when I fell asleep not worrying about be up so late. As I thought I was going to sleep in and stay at home.





This interior shot taken by one of the boys doesn't even begin to show all the intricate pieces that had to be packed up. I think I have less stuff in my kitchen.

And to be quite honest, not as many people were as gone as he led me to believe on the phone. Now that I think about it, I was duped.

Figures.

At any rate, by the time everything was disassembled, large stuff on a trailer and my Malibu packed to the GILLS, we looked like the Clampett's leaving the park.

It was exhausting. On top of that, we had to go to the grocery store in search of food that I could cook that didn't involve chicken, steak, bacon, and strangely enough, smell like Tex-Mex.

Everyone must have been have having the same problem as it was crazy busy. Plus, the Titans were about to start and that is the WORST time to go to the store.

By the time we got home, it was all I could do to slap sub sandwich together and pour a Diet Coke.

That was my Sunday. Typical really.

For carnies.

The Early Bird Might Get The Worm, But She'll Still Be Grumpy About It

So, for Day 10 Sara wants to know:

"How was your day?"

Well, I am sure at the end of this you'll be sorry you asked, Sara. And I can assure you it's not retaliation for the getting John Mellencamp's song stuck in your head.

I could NOT sleep Friday night/Saturday morning. At least, not a deep restful sleep. Tossed and turned. Turned and tossed. Dreamed about grammar ALL. NIGHT. LONG.

And Tim Gunn. But that's a story for another day.

At 6:30 I tried to slip quietly out of the bed and make a quick trip to the potty without alerting the dogs of my awakeness. I was going to attempt to lay/lie down a bit longer. For some reason other than sleep, obviously.

They were not fooled.

I headed downstairs and enjoyed approximately fifteen minutes and three sips of coffee before the troops started to awaken and wish for things like breakfast.

Um, hello? It's SATURDAY. Otherwise known as, "My Day Off."

Today is Big Daddy's last day of vacation. However, being he is the main dog in charge, he needed to go in for a "few minutes."

At work. Not here, people. Let's be real.


I was dressed in my housecleaning clothes and had already gotten started. He finished getting ready to go and THEN asked me to go with him.

(Censored for content)

He did offer a Diet Coke as my reward. As if I could be bought so cheaply.

I took a book to read while he did these vital tasks that apparently only he and the president of some third world country have the codes to open the necessary forms on the computer. He assured me he would be out in twenty minutes.

Forty-five minutes later, he comes out and...

(censored for content)

To make a LONG story short:

• I am tired.
• I am ready for him to go back to work TOMORROW.
• I am grumpy.
• I did not buy any chocolate while we were out.
  
• I am glad tomorrow is Sunday.
• In one week, they will all be home. Every. Day.
  
• I am looking for alternate accommodations for the dates of October 3-10. It's either them or me.
  
• I really do love them. But it is time for some absence so my heart can grow fonder.

Sorry. But you asked. Or didn't.

Whatever.

I Can Literally List a Million

Day 8: "What is your least favorite quote or saying and why?"

There are three sayings that get under my crawl. And frankly, there are probably more, but I feel bad that I couldn't think of more than one quote that I liked.

I guess I focus on the negative too much. I am in a grumpy mood, so be prepared.
I am not sure if the order here is the exact pecking order as they all pretty much annoy me frequently.

3) "At the end of the day..."

To me this is a cop- out statement. It is a way for someone to justify what he or she is saying or doing by saying, "It won't really matter." I have only heard this used correctly perhaps once or twice. The rest of the time it is simply overused. Like the word literally.

(Although, I will claim to use literally. Literally once a day. At least.)

2) "I don't know."

This may not classify as a quote or saying; however, if I were perform a density percentage of my entire blog on this one phrase from quoting them, it would be HIGH. These people in my family drive me crazy with it. Again, I feel as though this is a cop-out. No one wants to actually have to think. Occasionally, I understand that whomever is being asked a question may not actually know, but come on, really? Every time a question is asked? Some days I feel as though they'd all rather I literally do their thinking for them.

1) "Boys will be boys."

Big Daddy KNOWS not to say this to me. I simply do not believe in it. It is another cop-out. Another way to justify some unsavory behavior.

To a point, I believe boys may have some primitive, unconscious desire to do things that are stereotypically "boy-like." And while that is all well and good, if my boys were to act up and I said, "Oh well. Boys will be boys," all I am doing is reinforcing that behavior rather than teaching them how to control impulses and make good choices.

If I wouldn't let my daughter do it, why would I let my boys?


And that's all I have to say about that.

The Entry That Would Never Win An Award

A few pieces of business:

• I started a blog entry yesterday only to stop after a few sentences. Words would not come to me yesterday. Not even for the Challenge.
  
• Jo has GREATLY increased her odds of winning the giveaway. She has four out of the current eleven entries. You are able to enter daily.
  
• If it wasn't for the Challenge, I don't know what I'd write about. Nothing ever seems to happen around here anymore.
  

Having said that, it's time to get a move on little doggy:

Day 4: What would your "perfect" Saturday look like?"

If I was being perfectly honest, my perfect Saturday would look like:


However, since I have about as much chance of spending the weekend at the beach as winning the lottery, I'm going to have be a bit more realistic.

Perfect Saturdays include Big Daddy being off of work. We get up, have breakfast and coffee, and then go about doing whatever needs to be done. We may leave; we may not. It doesn't matter. As long as everyone is happy it's a good day.

Big Daddy is off this Saturday. It's supposed to be nice. Darrin needs more leaves for his project, so I imagine we'll get out a bit. With any luck, it will be a perfect Saturday.

Maybe I Am Closer Than I Think

Day 29- My aspirations

I can't believe this 30-Day Blog Challenge is coming to an end. Of course, I have strung it out over like 45 days, so you're probably tired of it already.

I have a lot of aspirations. And anyone that has read me for any length of time knows what they are:

• Great teacher
• Published writer (well, technically I am published, but you know what I mean.)
• Debt free
• A size 10

At this rate, I probably have a better chance of being debt-free than I do a size 10.

Anyway, there is one thing that I think about ALL. THE. TIME. And if I accomplish this, than the rest will just be gravy. Well, a gluten, fat fat-free version.

I hope that when my children grow up, they remember their childhood in a positive way. That they don't remember the times I was "sick." That they will always want to come home for the holidays or "just because." That they won't feel like anything I may or may not have done to them has a negative bearing on what they become.

Quite simply, I don't want them to feel the way I do.

--------------------------------------------------------

Side note: As I was typing this up, Nicholas walked by. He saw the bullet points and said, "What is this. 'Things I Am?'"

I replied, "No. Those are things I want to be."

He looked confused. "But you are already this (points to published writer) and this (great teacher) and this (debt free). "

I laughed. "No. Honey, I am NOT debt free."

"Oh. Well, you are almost this (points to size 10). You are an 11."

That kid is smart. He is going to make some lady a very good husband. ;)

There's no place like...

...home of course!


Day 27: My favorite place



I tell y'all what. I may talk about wanting to go to the beach or Disney. But quite frankly, I am the happiest when I am at home.

Those that have been with me since before I was on Blogger know what kind of crap we went through before we got this house. I love this house. There are things that I wish were a tad different, but on the whole, I am just happy to be here.

And why wouldn't I be? I've got:

Big Daddy

(Shh... it's a rare Big Daddy sighting. And this was actually taken in Ohio in April this year.)

and the kids and the animals...I had pictures, but Blogger and I aren't getting along this evening.


Also, another place in the house I love:



Our bedroom. We have the softest bed EVER. The frame I have had since pre-Big Daddy, so really we're due for another. But I love our bedroom. Read, watch TV, sleep, se...or whatever. It's a great room. I can't wait until we can paint. No more builder grade ivory.














Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home.

**I took that picture of our house today. Can you believe how blue that sky is? The weather was WONDERFUL today.

And not to change the subject, but I thought you'd find this interesting.
Remember when we were talking about dreams? Well yesterday morning I was dreaming that a huge storm had come through and our Bradford Pear broke. The branch that broke hit the house across the street and they were mad. It was a weird dream anyway..

Yesterday afternoon the boys and I were leaving. The and in the driveway of the house I was just talking about had a truck sitting there. A TREE TRIMMING TRUCK.
::cue Twilight Zone music:::

Every Rose Has A Thorn

Today is Day 12 of the blog challenge. However, I am skipping ahead to Day 13. Tomorrow, I will back-track

So, Day 13 is about my week.

In a nutshell:

It has been long. Which I didn't realize until today. I came back from taking the boys to school, stretched out on my bed to finish a chapter of my book and woke up at 2:00.

That would be PM.

I guess I was tired.

Anyway, I thought I'd give you a rundown of my week, noting the good, then the bad.

Here are my Roses for the week thus far, in no particular order:

1. Getting to meet up with Kathi last night for dinner because she was in town for work. Then we browsed in WalMart and THREE book stores. Good times.
2. Um. Hello? THREE bookstores. Six books bought. (Shh..it's a secret.)
3. Saving $81.26 on groceries yesterday. Bought $203.36 worth for only $122.10.
   
4. The boys coming home HAPPY everyday from school.
   
5. Nicholas getting into the percussion section like he wanted.
   
6. Starting our gluten-free lifestyle.
7. Big Daddy telling me that he starts his vacation next Tuesday.
8. Finding six bucks in my wallet folded in a receipt.
   
9. Having a Starbucks Java Chip Frappuccino yesterday.
10. Steven Slater. Seriously, he is my hero. The customer is NOT always right.
    

Thorns

1. Just realizing that the Kroger cashier forgot to give me credit for my reusable bags. Again.
   
2. The crappy treatment I got at Publix after a three-way conversation over my coupon.
   
3. The humidity. Seriously. I'd rather be cold than hot.
4. Having to drive all the way to town to the library. And that was the only stop I needed to make. Then because all the parking on the street was full, I had to park behind the building and huff it all the way up the hill. Did I mention it's hot in these parts?
5. Starting our gluten-free lifestyle. If I hear one more complaint of being hungry, I am going to snap.
   
6. Having to punish the boys every night this week for poor attitude, smart mouths, and back-talking. (Except for Wednesday. I was out and about!!)
7. Big Daddy worked a double on Sunday and will again tomorrow.
8. Being behind on the housework and writing.
   
9. Digestive issues after having the Starbucks Java Chip Frappuccino. Thoughts of "lactose sensitivity" danced in my head.
10. Still behind on reading (and commenting) on your blogs.

How's your week going?

FYI

In case you are interested, I started a new page. You can click on GFC- Daily Menu and see what I served the fam for the day. Plus my reactions.

Mostly it's for my records, because I totally won't remember what someone said yesterday let alone a month for now. But there is something about putting it out there for all of the 'net to see...

Page Link

The Beginning: Going Gluten Free

Because I don't have enough obstacles in my life, I decided that as a family we will go gluten free.

For one whole month.

In case you aren't sure what "gluten" is, here is a definition from About.com:

Definition: Gluten is a protein found in flour, which forms during bread making. Glutanin and gliadin, two protein molecules in flour, combine to form gluten when water is added to flour and the resulting dough is worked over and over, or kneaded. The gluten forms a network that traps CO2 created by yeast, giving bread its characteristic texture and air bubbles.

More specifically, gluten is the protein in wheat, rye, and barley. And to put it bluntly, anything that contains wheat or flour has gluten.

And we are going to avoid it.

To give you some back history, no one has been diagnosed with a wheat allergy or sensitivity. A couple of years ago, I suspected perhaps I had it when I was going through all the gallbladder stuff. I did a little research, but wasn't tested so I put it in the back of my mind.

Then not too long ago, I came across some research that suggested that some causes of AD(H)D in children may be a sensitivity to gluten. Again, I filed it away in the back of my mind. Last year, Darrin's teacher subtly mentioned she suspected he was ADD. I had the same suspicions, but hadn't said anything to anyone. I was afraid it was one of those situations where too much knowledge can be a dangerous thing.

Anyway, something snapped in my head Sunday night, and I knew that if gluten was the cause of anything going on with Darrin, then I needed to do something ASAP.

I spent most of the day yesterday doing research. And let me say, that in my opinion, even if Darrin doesn't have ADD caused by gluten, nor do I have a sensitivity, we don't need to be eating it anyway. This stuff is nasty for our bodies.

I knew that we'd be doing this, so I texted my husband, "Get ready we are going gluten free."

He replied, "It's been nice knowing you."

My husband loves bread. And that is putting it mildly. A meal without bread is like a breath without oxygen.

The man is addicted.

Well interestingly enough, I found a site that talked about the addiction.

"Proteins such as gluten result in the production of substances that can have addictive, narcotic-like effects. These substances are called "exorphins." Hydrolyzed wheat gluten, for example, has been found to prolong intestinal transit time and may contribute to weight gain. The effects of exorphins on the brain tell a person to keep eating gluten products, which, in turn, could contribute to the mental disturbances and appetite disorders that routinely accompany food-related illnesses."

I was all excited about starting a gluten free diet this morning. I was going to make the announcement at dinner to the kids. Later in the day, I decided that I had better have a list ready of the foods we would be eating and those we wouldn't.

That's when my excitement started to wane a bit. Not only do you avoid products with wheat, rye, and barley, there are other ingredients that you have to look for. Like:

• hydrolyzed vegetable protein (unless its made from soy or corn)
• flour or cereal products*
  
• Vegetable protein*
• modified starch or modified food starch*
• vegetable gum
• soy sauce
  *unless specified its from a corn or rice source
  

We also have to beware of words such as:

• stabilizer
• starch
• flavoring
• emulsifier
• hydrolyzed plant protein

I started looking at the labels of foods we already had in the house. Yikes.

Also, by law, a food manufacturer is required to label food if it has any traces of wheat. I can tell you right now, that General Mills didn't do this on Cinnamon Toast Crunch or Cheerios.

But, my list of food we would eat was as long if not longer than the food we wouldn't. I started to feel better about my decision and how it would be perceived at dinner.

Then, I made the announcement.

Darrin, who will eat almost anything was all, "Glutens? What are those? OK. It will be fine."

Big Daddy, who was crying softly into his biscuit (part of my farewell to gluten dinner), was attempting to back me up. I could of sworn I heard Taps playing in the distance.

Nicholas was fine until I got to the "cereal" portion of the list.

Saying he loves cereal doesn't give enough emphasis on the word love.

Big Daddy would give up bread (almost) before Nicholas would give up cereal would start to make an impression on his affection to cereal.

The boy loves his cereal.

The more we talked the better they felt. It was going to be OK.

The boys don't know the real reason we are doing this. I want to get a true feeling of the effects on Darrin.

I told them it was only going to be a month and then we'd evalutate. That seemed to make it easier to swallow.

But like any addiction, there are going to be rough patches. I plan on making a page that details what we ate for the three meals and reactions for that day. It'll be interesting what we will be like at the end of the month.

(I am hoping for ten pounds lighter!)

To be continued....

Further Proof That I'm Not An Irrational Person

Or Reason #4432 Living in the South Isn't Always Fun and Games


Yesterday was about 96 degrees. At the cooler part of the day.

And "cooler" as described by the meteorologists this morning since we are under a heat advisory.

Again.

Anyway, the grass needed to be mowed. And being that it was so chilly out this weekend, I thought Darrin and I would knock it out.

Important note here: I don't mow. I don't pull weeds. I don't clean/organize the garage. Everything beyond the back door to the garage is considered Manland. The menfolk take care of these chores. I used to mow before the boys were promoted, but it is thought that I was the reason that our mowers break down. Whatever. Telling me that I don't have to mow anymore is like telling me I have $100 to spend at Goodwill. No tears will be shed, I can assure you.

So, Big Daddy was working a double yesterday; one of three this week. He has no days off and don't forget that the temperature is going to spike. Heat advisory! Nicholas wasn't feeling well yesterday. He has an allergy/summer cold thing going on. I stepped up and bribed asked nicely for Darrin to help me.

He complained it was too hot. I assured him it was cool outside.

We finally get started. I am weedwackin' around the front flower bed. I hit the gutter and a swarm of angry wasps coming flying out. I am afraid that they will sting me, and I'll have to go to the hospital. (Allergic to bees AND Benedryl).

Darrin gets a nosebleed (not unusual), but he is hot and it won't stop. I worry that I'll have to take him to the hospital if it doesn't quit soon. It finally did after about twenty minutes.

Darrin shakes a bush and another swarm of wasps come flying out. I have to get spray and battle them so we can retrieve the running mower he left. Previous fear comes back.

I am pulling these weeds neglected dead flowers in a back flower bed. Being that it is cool, I fear unearthing or disturbing a sleeping snake. Further, this ticked off snake will bite me, and I'll have to go to the hospital.

We barely finished alive, I tell ya*.

All that cool air and sunshine must have gotten to me because by 8:30 I was in bed with a book. By 8:31, I was asleep.

I woke up later and thought it was just 10:00. Then I heard a couple of noises. I wasn't sure what it was, but I figured whatever was going to happen would and chose to stay upstairs in bed. You know, to protect the young-ins and all.

Not too much longer, Big Daddy came upstairs. It was closer to 11:00. I was awake(ish) and gave him a sleepy, "Hi."

He gives me a kiss and says, "I just got a snake in the driveway." (Source of the noise I heard.)

Suddenly, I was wide awake.

Apparently, he was pulling up in the driveway and a three or twelve foot snake was behind my car and HEADING TOWARD THE GARAGE.

If that wasn't enough, he says, "I'm not surprised. You leave the garage door open all the time."

Yes, I am sure that nasty serpent has been watching our house for the LAST FOUR YEARS and decided to make his move last night. It's all my fault.

Long story short (ha):

• He has seen snakes in the yard. ::shivers::
  
• He doesn't know why he hasn't told me. (Um, I think we all know the answer to that.)
• I will make sure I have a day's supply of beverages in the inside fridge before he leaves so that I don't have to go in the garage.
• I will not be opening the garage door except to bring in groceries. I will be carrying a hoe and wearing boots.
  
• *I don't usually have repeating thoughts of having to go to the hospital. Be it me or my children.
  
• I have and always will have a fear of coming across a snake.
• The first time he flung the snake out of the drive, IT CAME BACK.
• The second time he flung the snake into our neighbor's yard.
• Please note he didn't KILL the snake.
  
• You know the snake will be back. For revenge.
  

Tears ahead: You have been warned

Apparently I have fallen off the wagon.

I have been super busy the last couple of days. Mostly with a couple of projects that I am working on that seem to be consuming all of my time. That is clear if you'd walk into my house right now....

I had planned this special entry for Father's Day, but ultimately ran out of time decided against it. I can tell you, however, Big Daddy had a great day.

He received a few things even though the budget I was given was approximately zero dollars and no cents. I was most excited about the photo collage that I had made through Walgreens. I was fortunate to get the idea from Jessica at Inspiring You to Save. She had posted that Walgreens had a special on 8x10 collages for the low, low price of FREE.

Yes, ma'am. Sign me up.

AND because I had to sign up, I also got 25 4x6 prints for FREE.

When I gave him the picture, (framed AND matted--items I had on hand. One of the perks of closing a portrait studio) I also included the receipt. He was impressed.

Probably his best present came from Darrin--a handmade card. Inside Darrin wrote:
"Dear Daddy,
I love you more than deviled eggs* but they are really good. Happy Father's Day! I love you!"

*Please note: The love that Darrin has for deviled eggs knows no bounds. I love chocolate and Diet Coke, but this goes beyond that. Seriously. I have never seen anything like it.

Later that night, Big Daddy said that brought a tear to his eye.

::passing the tissues::

Other than that, it's been pretty average around here. Nothing out of the extraordinary. Tomorrow, Jessica has an appointment to get her Senior pictures made. Just typing that makes me want to flip through her baby photos while playing "Memories", "Photograph","Yesterday," and "Good Riddance(Time of Your Life)". I am not really sure how it's even possible, because I am pretty sure that last weekend I put on her favorite dress, Mary Janes, socks with lace around the edge, and her hair in pigtails (with bows!), and Big Daddy took us to Chuck E. Cheese on a date. I have a photo of the event.

::taking the tissues back::

I think I better stop here. My keyboard won't be able to take much more....

The verdict

Hey y'all.

How's everyone doing?

I just wanted to pop on here for a moment to update the status of my grandma. After much testing, complaints, and rumor has it, some nasty attitude from my dad, the final diagnosis came in Friday.

She had a mini-stroke.

I guess after much complaining about her leg hurting, and US was showing nothing, an OT came in and did some testing. S/he determined that she had significant weakness on her left side and ordered an MRI. It showed up when it was read on Friday morning.

There were other complications that were making it hard for them to make a diagnosis, and she had other things going on at the same time that were unrelated.

She is getting better and at some point this week she'll be transferred to a rehabilitation facility to get more intense therapy. She is a care giver herself--her husband has Parkinson's--so getting her healthy is job one.

The best part is that everyone is confident that she will recover quite well, and no one would even know she had suffered a stroke. She is determined to recover because having a stroke is/was her worst fear.

I just want to thank you all for your good thoughts and vibes for her recovery. They certainly worked. :)

Also, I learned that getting medical information from the disgruntled daughter-in-law (ie., my mom) may not be the best idea.

Have a wonderful Tuesday.

Mostly the whole story with an update

Have I told you lately how great you all are? Seriously, a gal couldn't ask for a better group of friends.

The story on my grandma is a long one but here is the Reader's Digest version....

For a few weeks she claims she is falling out of bed, but yet when she wakes up she doesn't know how, when, or why. (She tends to be a little melodramatic so just go with me here.) I think it was yesterday morning that my dad got a call from a lady that is friends with my G-ma saying that she had fallen out of bed in the night again, didn't remember, but she couldn't feel her legs, and her mouth was drawn. The friend and my G-ma thought maybe she had a stroke.

Now, I know getting this information like tenth-hand from me, the symptoms don't add up. Don't worry, you are not lost. They never add up with her. The last time my dad had to go up there for a major 'spell' they thought she was having something ( I can't remember what) and it turns out she was going through withdrawls from not taking her Xanax. She had just been in the hospital and they didn't give her the pill daily. The pill that her other doctor said she should and could take. It was a MESS.

(If you take that shit, get off of it now. It is highly addictive. 'Cuse my french.)

So, Scooby-Doo back to yesterday...they take her to the hospital in Scottsville. They say they can't handle the case and send her to Bowling Green. She gets there and they say she has pneumonia and did NOT have a stroke. (Big shocker there.)

Today, they decide she is getting worse, doesn't have pneumonia, but most likely some other infection that isn't showing up in tests yet. Then there is a place on her leg that is warm--almost feverish--and they are looking into that I think for the lack of feeling.

While she is really sick, she isn't as sick as it was told to my dad yesterday before he left. Of course this friend is about 80. My G-ma's husband is like 79 and in even poorer health. Two weeks ago, she was fine. That's the sucky thing about old age, I reckon.

I appreciate all your thoughts and healing vibes. I know my dad really needs that right now.

Out with the old

Dern.

Ten posts shy of one-hundred. Oh well.

Truth be known, once the in-law and wannabe left on Saturday afternoon, I sort of shut down. Not really sure what that was all about, but it put me behind all things bloggy.

Christmas was awesome, though; don't get me wrong.

Here were my favorite quotes:

Nicholas, "I didn't get many presents. I must not have been as good as I thought. I'll have to work on that."

Jessica, after opening yet another envelope of money, "Oh yay! I have made back what I spent."

Darrin...well. He is a man of few words. But he is lovin' his Mp3 player he got.

Notice the lack of photos? Yeah. For some reason I used my regular camera. Mostly because my digital blows and by the time the photo is taken, the moment has passed. I will probably get the film developed by next Christmas, if I am motivated.

Here is is the last day of 2008. I wish it wasn't Wednesday. A new year should start on Monday, if you ask me.

Queen B had an awesome post today. She got the idea from another blogger...posting our top 10 favorite photos of the year.

I just uploaded something like 600 photos. You know, so I would have an empty memory card for Christmas.

Without further ado...





(no comment needed.)


Jessica and her boyfriend off to the Military Ball. I think this was in May.


Never has this little boy been more excited about something. Here he poses with his webkins pal, Shep, now referred to as "Doggie."


Tom and Huck painting the fence.


Juicy gets a car.


Ms. March. Part of the Hooters Girl Calendar shoot.


Big Daddy and I. A rare sighting.


Technically, Nicholas took this with his SpyGear secret camera at one of the never-ending weenie wagon weekends. I smile whenever I see it.


He was built in January/February. We didn't even miss school the next day (slight miracle.) He was about 12 inches tall and lasted all of 12 hours. Welcome to winter in Tennessee.



Monroe redefines lazy.

2008 wasn't one of our best years, but it wasn't the worst. Here's to the friends I have made along the way...

::raises glass of preferred beverage::

Bring the change.

Oh Brother

Forgive me dear readers, for I am about to....

Well, I'll let you decide what to call it.

Earlier this evening, the phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, but it was a cell phone, so I picked up. It was my brother.

Now, my more astute readers will immediately point out the two obvious details of that last statement.

A)Didn't recongize the number and,

B) It was my brother.

Friends that have known me pre-Blogger know about the relationship, or lack of one, that I have with my brother.

I have never really liked him. There may have been a year in the 80s.

Don't get me wrong. I love him-he is my brother. I just don't like him. If truth be told, my parents feel the same way. He has just taken advantage of them too many times. I am talking theft, lies, and pawning a few of their things that he "borrowed."

My brother and I are polar opposites. Literally. For example, he thinks it's ok to abuse the welfare system. He gets paid under the table at his job, and then brags about his kids getting free/reduced at school; he says it's owed to him because,"I've paid my taxes."

But my brother has three of the sweetest kids. Ian (6), Kassie(4) and Trinity(1). I lOVE them to pieces. I put up with his mouth so I can see them.

Tonight is a perfect example of how tacky my brother can be...

Back to the phone converstation:

Me: Hello?
Him: Hey.
Me: ::thinking who is this??:: Hey.

Lightbulb! I know who it is now..

Him: I was just calling to see what I need to bring Thursday.
Me: ::thinking what is Thursday??!?:: Um...I am not sure what is going on, but I am not going to be home, and Big Daddy has to work...
Him: Oh, I mean Thanksgiving. I am sure that I am invited. What do I need to bring?
Me: Um...
Him: (something dumb and self-centered--can't recall)
Me: Well, that is fine but I haven't really made the menu yet...I thought you were going to her grandmother's? (His wife's g-ma house)
Him: Since her grandpa died, grandma isn't going to cook. She [grandma] is going with her brother so we had to find somewhere else to go.

(Hand to heart, that is how he put it.)

Me: Ok. No problem. Let's see...well just bring what YOU all would like to drink.
Him: I could bring a dessert.
Me: No NO. Big Daddy is off and you know how he loves to bake. Just bring drinks. Really.
Him: Ok. See you Thursday.

*click*

I called my mom and the first thing out of her mouth was, "So he called you." Apparently, he called her first to see if she was cooking. And she hasn't done Thanksgiving in four years (I think). She told him that they were coming here and he was like, "Ok. We'll see you there." My mom said, "You know, you might want to let her know. That's five more people."

And Jessica's boyfriend makes it 13. I am looking for a fourteenth person. Of course, you may have to sit on the deck, but it's usually warm on Thanksgiving here.

Do you have someone/something you dread at the holidays?

Interview with the chil'ren. Part two

Darrin, the 8- year old. He is a man of few words. Just like another guy I know...

Enjoy.



So. How do you feel about getting interviewed by your mommy?
"I don't know."

Do you know what interview means?
"No."

Then how do you know what I am doing?
"I don't know."

So I could be doing it wrong?"Yeah."

How would you know?
"I don't know."

You sound a lot like your sister. An interview is when someone asks you a series of questions. Usually for a publication. Does that help?
"No."

Well, we aren't going to get very far, are we?
"No."

How about I just ask you some questions and you answer them without the 'I don't know.'
"No."

Why?

"I don't know."

::sigh::

"How long is this going to be?"

How did you get a black eye?
"Nick threw a book."

Why was he throwing a book?
"To scare me."

Did it work?

"No. It hit me."

That's true. I think he might have been scared of Mommy. What do you think?
::smiles: "Yes."

What is your favorite thing to do?

Play Playstation.

Really? I hardly see you play it. Which game is your favorite?
::goes in search of game:: Mx vs. ATV

Ok. Cool.

Do you like being the youngest child?
"Yeah."

Why?
"I don't know."

So, you don't think you'd want another brother or sister?
"No."

Hmm. Interesting.

What did you think about that new Spongebob episode?
"It was cool."

What was your favorite part?
"When Spongebob was the "mayor."

If you could have a whole day to do whatever, wherever, what would you do?
"Play. Drive a golf cart. That's all."

That seems pretty ambitious. Who are you going to take with you?
"Chris and Blake."

What about Nick?
"Yeah. But I get to drive."

Alrighty then.