NaNoWriMo: Days 2-5

Apparently I have poor follow-through. I actually thought I was only behind on days 3-5.

Oops. My bad.

If you'll notice in the sidebar, I did figure out how to use that widget to keep up with the word count. As of this writing, I have 8,501 words written. According to the math, I'm up 166 words over the minimum daily goal.

Sunday I hit a wall. My inner editor was back with a vengeance. She's a mouthy broad, a real sight to behold. She was all, "You know you can't finish this. 50,000 words? You just hit 11, 000 on that other drivel you call a book. And that took you, what? Six months? Trust me, honey, you'll be better off hitting delete. Now turn on Netflix and queue up "Breaking Bad." Or maybe "Toddlers and Tiaras."

I finally shut her up with some Diet Coke and Halloween candy. She's easily bribed at times.

Sunday night, a few friends and I got together via Skype and did writing sprints. Best. Idea. Ever. The goal is to set a block of time, like thirty or forty-five minutes and just tear up the keyboard. At the end of the time, you report back with the words written. As one of my friends said later on why it works, "Because you don't want to be the loser of the group who is like '75 words and 5 Facebook statuses.'"


Accountability is a beautiful thing.

Yesterday, AKA Day 5, I had planned on writing the bulk of the day since I was off work. Those plans were thwarted, however, when Big Daddy said the words,  "I thought we had some running around to do*?"

What was supposed to be a quick trip to Home Depot and Target, both stores that are located within five miles of our home, turned into an all-day adventure, not sitting down at home, for good, until 7:30 p.m. As weary as I felt,  I somehow churned out some words,which ending up becoming my favorite chapter thus far.

I can do this.


Pressing on....


*He was right. We did have some things to take care of. And he is.probably without a doubt my biggest supporter when it comes to writing, so he wasn't trying to be mean or get me off track. Also, after fifteen years together, I should know that a simple trip to Home Depot doesn't exist. 




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Publishing: Traditional or Self?

My dream, as is with many writers, is to get published. I'm talking the big time, like with Vintage, Simon and Schuster, Penguin, or perhaps Random House.

My goal was and has been to be published and see my printed book in Books-a-Million, Barnes and Noble, and maybe even Target. I don't aspire to hit that status of "New York Times' Best Selling". I just want a hard copy, printed on paper and bound in a pretty cover with the publisher's logo on the spine.

That's all I want. Really.

In the last year, I have become increasing aware of just how hard it will be to become published through a traditional publisher. Some days [and weeks] I don't write because my original goal seems impossible to reach.

Self -publishing, for some obvious reasons has become increasingly popular. Authors are able to control their destiny and have their work in readers' hands. While it's an avenue for some, for me, I still feel as though I need that little something - validation maybe - that I jumped through all the hoops and a big publishing house was willing to gamble on an unknown writer. Self-publication is not an option I've entertained.

My good friend and phenomenal writer, Jessica Rosenberg, has been going through the query process. As I watch her waiting for the right agent to pick up her book, my dream slips further out of reach. If someone of her caliber, with a great platform already in place can not sell, how can I?

Enter Ramon Presson

Mr. Presson's workshop, "Help! I've Got a Book in Me" focused on self-publishing. Ironically, this author of eleven books - all traditionally published - discussed some of the finer points of  self-publishing. His knowledge and as person "on the inside" certainly dispelled some myths I had previously believed.

It doesn't matter how a good book is published

Current Trends in Tradional Publishing

I wouldn't even hazard a guess as to how many people are querying, hoping for that shiny book to hit the bookshelves at a big box chain. With the economy in the state it is in, publishers are reluctant to pick up new authors. Further, there are some slight differences in the non-fiction and fiction genres, but for the most part, all of these points apply:

• Just because a publisher has paid the advance and promised the book, there are no guarantees. It's not final until you are holding a printed book.
• E-books out-sell hardback and paperbacks- combined - and will continue to increase
• 80/20 rule: 20% of authors make 80% of the houses' profits
• Unless you are already published, know someone, or have a solid platform in place already, your chances of being picked up on a debut novel decline significantly. 

Mr. Presson mentioned that although it is increasingly difficult to be picked up, it does not mean it won't happen. If traditional publishing is your dream, go for it.

Instant gratification

There are several avenues you can take should you wish to self-publish. We've heard the stories of those that gained notoriety because they were repeatedly turned down and ultimately chose this route, examples being The Shack, The Clandestine Prophecy, and even The Tale of Peter Rabbit. 

Here are the highlights of self-publishing covered by Mr. Presson:

• It's quick! If you chose to publish through Amazon straight to Kindle, it can be read by the masses in under an hour. 
• Complete control of the content
• More profits to author (in most cases) and regular checks
• Author controls when and if book goes out of print

Tradional or self?

Because I wasn't feeling as if self-publishing was my path, I almost did not attend this workshop. However, I went in with an open mind and learned a great deal.  While I still hope to be published traditionally, assuming I finish a manuscript, I've decided to keep the idea of self-publishing in the back of my mind. 

Two things Mr. Presson said left an indelible mark on my conscious*:

"The only people that care who the publisher is is the author."

"Let your passion for writing be first and publishing secondary." 

For more information on self-publishing, please visit Self-Publishing-Coach.com, a resource used by Ramon Presson in his presentation.

Writers, what do you think? How will you get your work out to the masses? 

Disclosure: The preceding should not be construed as advice on either method of publishing. No compensation was given in exchange for this post. All opinions are my own and all information was my experience at this particular workshop.  

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A Closer Look: Editing and the First Draft

From my list of Thirty Ways to Avoid Writing the First Draft:

22. Edit the first paragraph of the first chapter until it is perfect.

When it comes to writing the first draft of anything -- it a letter to Grandma, a blog post, or a novel -- it is important not to spend your time going back over a sentence that you've just written to ensure its perfectness.

I've have talked to a great many people well-versed in this subject manner, read a plethora of books on the craft, and even experienced it myself. The first step to getting anything written is to write it.

Let me repeat: Write. It. All of it.

 Don't pause to think of a fifty-cent word or a better opener. Don't stop to move paragraphs around.  Don't back up because you have a comma splice.* Trust me, it can wait.

When the creative spark is ignited, it is best to push on forward and type/write as quickly as possible. Get everything out and worry about organization later. That is why you write in drafts --emphasis on the plural. It is rare the writer that writes everything in the first sitting and has no need for edits or corrections. It's so rare, in fact, I would guesstimate that those who think they are one-hit-wonders, so to speak, are easily spotted in the crowd.

I struggle with my boys and their  school writing because multiple drafts are not taught in school. It's brainstorm, rough draft, final draft, and hand in. There is a good reason for this method, but that's a topic for another day.

Let me give you an example of writing it all out:
Recently, I saw an opening for a short story contest. Long story short, I decided to enter as the maximum word count is 600 words. I am now working on the fifth draft.

Not that I am a great writer by any stretch of the imagination, but regardless of a word count, there are certain things that have to be hit. Had I wrote out the first draft, cut the original 1,404 words to 600; checked for and corrected the grammar; and then turned it in, I would have lost the contest before I'd even been judged.


I know what you are thinking: Why didn't she just stop at 600 words or Why didn't she just start cutting when the word count got close? 


I had an idea for the story. Once I started writing, I let the words fall where they may. I had to make sure the main elements-- problem, conflict, climax,  and resolution-- were met without limiting myself early on or losing momentum. Yes, it was very hard to cut over half of the story, but made for a much stronger story and I love it even more than I did at the end of the first draft.

The most important take-away is getting to the end of the first draft. You'll never reach the end if you spend all your time on the first paragraph of the first chapter. No matter how fabulous or revolutionary it may be. Your readers are waiting.



*Just remember to get that splice later because, yikes. You don't want Captain Grammar Pants knocking on your door.



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Thirty Ways to Avoid Writing the First Draft

It has been bandied about casually, my desire to write a book. The first one I seriously started,  lost steam for a bit and then the laptop died along with 7k+ words.

Redundant backup, people. It's not just for the blog.

I've been slowly typing out the words to my next novel. And when I say slow, I mean I am only 3,302 at this very moment. Of course, it would have been closer to 4,000 had I not accidentally closed the document before hitting the confirm button on a dialog box. I might also add I've only been working on it for the last five or six months.

Apparently, I still haven't learned my lesson.

At any rate, I have a good friend that has ACTUALLY finished an entire novel and is in the query process. And being that I have read the book, I don't anticipate her wait for that acceptance call to be long.

She and I were giving each other pep talks recently and she laughed when I told her all the reasons I shouldn't be writing a book. She also went on to say that I am making up excuses and procrastinating, which prompted  this blog post.

May I present:  30 Ways To Avoid Writing the First Draft 
alternatively titled, "What I May or May Not Have Been Doing Instead"

1. Write a blog post
2. Clean the bathrooms. Again.
3. Look up people from high school using Google.
4. Refresh the open Facebook tab  for new notifications.
5. Write witty status updates on the progress of your novel.
6. Clean out the spam folder of your email.
7. Clip and organize coupons.
8. Check for new moves on Words With Friends . {my user id is coolandhip}
9. Read books on how to write books.
10. Write short stories for contests.
11. Read Writer's Digest from cover to cover. Multiple times.
12. Nap.
13. Watch old episodes of "How I Met Your Mother" on Lifetime.
14. Be very active in an Facegroup or forum that ISN'T geared towards writing.
15. Take up crochet.
16. Teach yourself to knit.
17. Organize your clothes closet by type, fabric, and hue.
18. Rearrange a room in your house.
19. Google yourself.
20. Commit to everything.
21. Keep up with your Twitter stream and actively engage.
22. Edit the first paragraph of the first chapter until it is perfect.
23. Google authors that have their first books published.
24. Read on how to effectively complete the C25K challenge.
25. Read the latest new release in your favorite genre.
26. Do price comparisons. On anything.
27. Steam clean the carpet.
28. Try new recipes.
29. Get a full night's sleep. Every night.
30. Tell yourself that you are wasting your time.






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Real Writers Write. Others Dream of Writing and Stuff

I've been in a funk as of late. I feel like my current life choice, while all things I love -- writing and designing -- are all wrong for me. In the midst of my party-of-one pity party I lamented that I just wished I could sit and write. Fiction. All I want to do is write the stories that are floating around in my head. I feel like I am wasting time and the chance to actually be earning some money by writing, but my husband whom continues to push me and tell me that he believes in what I want encourages me to keep typing away.

Being a writer is not a career that you can just apply for, be hired, then start making some money. There are hundreds of thousands of people, all vying for basically the same thing. Some types of writers have less competition than others.

On one particularly rough evening of wow-is-me, I created a list. I even typed it up. And then promptly erased it for fear that someone might actually read it.  At my writers group, I mentioned the list to my friend who laughed and said, "You need to write that." Since I wish I had a teaspoon of the talent CeCe has, I decided it was best to listen to her.

May I present "The Ten Things I Have A Better Chance of Than Being Published*"

1. Defeating Michelle Bachman in the primaries

2. Having a walk-on role on "Jersey Shore"
(Maybe I can talk to a certain person about her "collaborator" and get publishing tips.)

3. Running the Boston Marathon

4. Competing on "Wheel of Fortune"

5. Receiving a tweet from Ellen

6. Winning the lottery

7. Being quoted in any magazine

8. Finding Jimmy Hoffa's body

9. Getting my husband to like onions

10. Winning the Mrs. Tennessee pageant




*While I have been published in the sense that someone printed what I wrote (three times), here I mean "published" to mean a book published and for sale at a book store. Doesn't even have to be the New York Times Best Selling List. 

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We All Want to Believe

If ever I needed something, it is most certainly a Kick In The Blog. One of my many muses and a fabulous lady I am proud to call my friend is behind this brand spankin', squeaky clean website. Jessica posts writing prompts to help us get over that dang blinking curser.

She asks, "Who Believes in You?

Great question. I wish I had an answer.

But the truth of the matter is that I don't think anyone really believes in me. I have plenty of friends and colleagues that encourage me and give me positive feedback. As soon as I am given it, however, I start thinking, "She is just saying that because she is my friend. She wouldn't want to hurt my feelings. No one that loves you is that brutally honest."

The rational side of me wonders if no one believes in me because I don't believe in myself? Perhaps that is an irrational thought, but it is what I am thinking right now.

My husband is without a doubt my biggest fan and head cheerleader. But I feel most of the time all his rah-rah-sis-boom-bah is because is loves me. And because he is a man, he knows that poo-pooing on my ideas will inevitably cause me to poo-poo on his ideas. You know, like a clean house, clean and ironed laundry, and hot meals. Or something like that.

photo credit: Kick in the Blog

Whether his belief in my abilities are real or imaginary, he is the first one I go to when I am feeling like I am failing. At anything. Even if he doesn't understand what I am doing, he always seems to come up with the right combination of things to make me feel like I can continue to try for one more day.

Even after his little pep talks, the one thing I really want is someone to say I believe in you. And honestly mean it.


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Thank you for calling. I am out of the office today...

Good Monday morning!

This morning I was excited to find out that a post I submitted is up at ...And Nobody Told Me.

You can read my post, "...that I'd give up control," here.

 Special thanks to Lerner for helping me get it out there. :)




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Because I am nothing if not a follower

Why I have not done this in the past is beyond me. But Fadra's weekly hosting of stream of consciousness is pure genius. I LOVE posts like these. 


Anywho, here are the rules,blatently stolen carefully copied, pasted and given proper attribution from Ms. Fadra herself:

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
• Link up your post below.
• Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Alrighty then. I suppose it is time to get my timer on and start writing. I hope I don't go blind from all the red underlining that is sure to happen. Here goes my maiden voyage:

The timer has been set and now my fingers are flying.

I oftentimes wonder why it is that I keep this blog. To be discovered? To be famous? To hope someoone will read it.

I hold back a lot of things that I write about because I am afraid of what peopel will think of me. There are so many more talented poeple out there that I don't know if I have anything of value to offer.

OMG it is hard not to proofread and edit.

These past few months have been amazing for me personally. At least as far as being online goes. the bummer is the lack of income. Big Daddy is being very pateient and not asking for a whole lot, but on the other hand i have got to start making some money. I have written hundreds of articles for other people for literally pennies and have nothing to show for my own. Applying for a real writing job is next to impossible and I don't want to ask anyone for help for fear of sounding desperate. If I had more timme in the day maybe things would turn around but twelve and thirteen hours sitting at a comptuer desk can take a toll out on me. Or it is. Whatever I am trying to say.

good lord.

the timer is going to go off soon and I don't have enought stuff written. Then i have to hit publish for the whole world to see. yippee.

maybe this will be a good thing.

DING
.
There you have it. Five minutes in the raw.


Riveting, isn't it?
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Ten Minutes of Your Life

I have a slight confession:
I had been working on this entry day-by-day. My intention was that by Saturday, it would be done, and I would set it to auto-post. However, the powers of procrastination took over. Then to be slammed with a headache on Sunday so terrible, I would have gladly taken ice picks to my eyes to relieve the pain, that meant I couldn't/wouldn't/didn't have this post finished.

I didn't even get online yesterday.

Much.

At any rate, I appreciate your taking the time to read my posts. I have also changed up the comment form so that hopefully it is easier for you. No more word verification, either.

(For now.)

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For my oh-so-revealing answers to the Question of the Day, read on:

1. If you were granted access to only one blog of your choosing, which blog would you choose and why?
-Why did I pick such a hard question?!? This took a great deal of thought. There are reasons that I read every blog that I read. Having said that, in only choosing one, I would choose:

Sophie (aka, BooMama) I just love her upbeat posts. Two things: I doubt seriously she even knows I read her. Or follow her on Twitter. Or she lives about an hour and a half from me. (That sounded slightly stalker-ish. Yikes.)

We had an email conversation once. About corn bread. Seriously.

2. What five books are, in your opinion, the best you've read to date?
Geez. Who writes these questions? They are HARD. Thought provoking even. Maybe it's just me.

1. Water For Elephants by Sara Gruen I just read this book last fall. After everyone else. I don't remember why I decided I would like it after NOT reading it for so long. I couldn't put it down. It was different than anything that I had ever read.
   
2. Emma and Me by Elizabeth Flock I had read a couple of other books by her and fell in love with her writing style. It is written from the perspective of the little girl, Carrie. Then I got to the end. I never saw it coming. Normally, I can start a new book later in the day or the next. It took me three days to recover. If you never read another book, read this one. Well done, Elizabeth.
   
3. She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb Although we had different childhoods, I related to this character in a way that I had never before. I first read it over ten years ago. I re-read it this past fall. I own a copy. No doubt I will read it again.
   
4. The Help by Kathryn Stockett This book caught my eye from the shelves at Target. I didn't purchase it -that is a rarity- but I knew I wanted to read it. Oddly enough, I thought it was about something else. I FINALLY was able to get a copy from the library late this past fall. I could not stop reading. I am hoping that she'll write another book soon. I've got my eyes on it..... Congratulations, Kathryn. Every writer hopes the first book will get published.
   
5. In Her Shoes by Jennifer Weiner You know I love me some Jennifer. There is not one of her books that I do not love. However, there was something special about this book. I just read it in early-December. I thought I knew what it was about because I had seen the movie. Come to find out, I hadn't seen the movie, or at least not enough. This book made me think. Period. And if you have seen the movie, read the book. You'll get some extra-special stuff that just makes it all the more enjoyable.
   

3. What is your favorite guilty pleasure?

Used bookstores. Seriously. I love walking in and not knowing what could be on the shelves. Last Monday, I went to a bookstore that I don't normally go to. Mostly because I can get the books cheaper at other places. However, I was looking for a specific book and I have a good amount of credit there. While I didn't find the book I wanted, I kept looking at the shelves at all the possibilities....and then I found a book that I had been wanting for at least two years. It was a hardback, so I tentatively pulled it out to check her price. It was less than she normally prices them. It became mine....Even though I had already been to the library AND Goodwill, it totally made my day to find that book.

4. You are in a store and notice a woman using a child wearing a backpack to steal various items. Would you alert a member of management? Why or why not?

I can hardly wait to hear the back lash on this one....Ok, here is my thing. I would probably do an assessment of what they are stealing. That probably sounds all judge-y and whatnot, but it really would depend:

Are they relatively well- dressed and stealing clothes? Yes
Are they not-so-well dressed and stealing clothes at say, Macy's? Yes

Are they stealing cokes, candy, and expensive meat cuts at the grocery store? Yes
Are they stealing a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter, and some tuna? Maybe not

Stealing is wrong, period. There are too many avenues one can take to acquire the necessities in life when one finds him or herself in difficult times. I know that some people would say things like, "I would never get food from a food pantry. That's just not my style." or "I wouldn't work at McDonald's. I know there is a better job out there."

I would have a severe panic attack if I had to ask for food to feed my children. But in times of desperate need, I would go if it meant they got fed.

As long as I am able to make money SOMEHOW legally, I don't want to work at McDonald's. But if that was the only way I could make the funds necessary to take care of my children, I would do it.

However, if all avenues had been closed to me. If the food pantry turned me away and I could not get anyone to hire me AND MY KIDS WERE HUNGRY- yes, I would steal food.

And that is why I would not tell on the lady stealing bread, peanut butter, and tuna. More than likely, I would find a way to see if I could help her out. Now if she gets nasty with me, then it's on. I am totally telling.

5.You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?

I would say something like, "Really? That's strange. I've known "Sally" for years and that seems really out of character for her. As a matter of fact one time she (insert something GOOD here)."
Then, I would probably freak out and worry about what they say behind MY back.

6.What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?

Writing a completed novel. Fear is the thing holding me back. I am scared of the rejection-actually I expect it- but rather the success.

So that's about it. I actually enjoyed these questions and reading your responses. I don't know that I'll ever do this again, but I have a few more questions should the need ever arise.

In the meantime, I suppose it's back to the rambling hit-or-miss posting you've come to expect.


Grammatical errors and all.

Tough call

Question of the Day:

You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?

Dear John-Snow:

It's not you; it's me.

In the beginning, it seemed like a good idea. I thought of you longingly back in July. You don't know this, but Heat is unbearable-- smothering, suffocating, shameless.

I broke it off with Heat because it was you that I desired. However, I don't think I fully understood what you were bringing to the party.

Living in the South, I really thought we'd be a good match. You'd trickle in unexpectedly, quietly and softly, leaving little trace of your existence.

Perhaps I misunderstood?

I was not prepared for this type of commitment. My life has been turned upside down. I feel as though you are mocking me.

It's just not going to work.

After finally getting out of a pretty intense relationship with Heat, I am still scrambling to fix the mess that was left behind.

You said you understood and promised you wouldn't do the same.

And yet, here we are.

We had a good couple of months, but I just can't take anymore.

I think we should just be friends. I am sorry.

Love,
Me

P.S On second thought: It's not me. It's YOU.

Shhh....

Question of the Day:

What is your favorite guilty pleasure?

I promise, your secret is safe with me....

Part Deux: Reading, reading, reading

Hopefully today's question will be a bit easier-

Question of the Day:

What five books are, in your opinion, the best you've read to date?

I can't wait for these answers!

Question: What DOES She Do in a Day?

I am sure those of you that have been with me for a long time may not necessarily believe this next statement, but I promise it is absolutely true:

I had fully intended to blog every. single. day.

I have about eleventy billion* posts backed up in my head.

However, with other writing stuff that takes precedence, and wanting to read YOUR blogs (and comment even!), and the family's desire for clean clothes and three squares, there just aren't enough hours in the day. Sometimes I think if there were thirty-two hour days, I could do what I need/ want for twenty-four and sleep for eight.

Eh, who am I kidding? I'd probably still complain there weren't enough hours in a day.

So, here's what I am proposing:

Until I get my groove on, which should happen this week IF Mother Nature doesn't treat us to more winter weather causing MORE school closings, I am going to post a question a day. On Sundays, I'll do a full post with my weeks worth of answers. I hope you'll answer. :)

Question of the Day:

If you were granted access to only one blog of your choosing, which blog would you choose and why?

Rules on commenting:
1. No bashing anyone.
2. No writing, "I don't know."
3. No writing, "I couldn't choose just one."
4. Give us a link. We all are looking for good blogs to read! It may be one that someone doesn't know about.
5. Please play along. It's all in good fun!


*eleventy billion- term found and blatantly stolen after seeing it used in this post.

One Hundred Is An Even Number

Oddly enough, I have had a "100 Things" post in my drafts folder since 2008. Some talk started over such matters in the Social Media Moms group I am in on Facebook. SO, it is time to dust this bad girl off, tweek to fit current times, and share with the world!

May I present,

"100 Things About Me (You May or May Not Know)"

-or-

"Yet, Another List"

1. I grew up in Indiana.

2. I would probably still be there had I not had a baby at 18 and my parents were moving here to Tennessee.

3. I hated Tennessee for the first six months or so, but would not move back North now for anything.

4. I am scared of things I can't see (e.g,. the ocean, thick weeds, the dark).

5. I used to want to travel out of the country, but now I don't think I want to cross over the ocean.

6. My first job was at age 13 working at Baskin-Robbins. They laid-me off after only six weeks.

7. If I got called back to work at Baskin, I would turn it down.

8. I auditioned for "Wheel of Fortune."

9. Because I live so close to Nashville, I have met many singers. Mostly old-school Country.

10. I don't listen to country music; it gives me the creeps, unless it's a song that crossed over to pop like "Stay," or "Before He Cheats."

11. There are several movies that I will watch every time one comes on TV including: Drumline, Sleepless in Seattle, You've Got Mail, Castaway, 8 Mile....

12. I have yet to a break a bone :::knock on wood:::

13. I have not traveled west of the Mississippi that I can remember. (There was a camping trip to Missouri when I was two, apparently)

14. Although I love being in college, and fondly look forward to graduation and the day I secure a teaching job, I could be a professional student. There is so much to learn.
(edit 1/17: Graduated in May, 2010. Chose not to pursue teaching at this time.)

15. I wish I could be a surrogate mom.

16. I quit smoking in November of '05. It was the hardest thing I ever did.

17. The only time orange is an acceptable color is during October, but only in little bits.

18. I love candles, but never light them.

19. I don't like gold jewelry.

20. I don't like the blinds closed for any reason. I figure if someone can see in and don't like what they see, they won't look again. Big Daddy is afraid someone WILL like what they see. ::rolls on the floor with laughter::

21. I have a book obsession.

22. I love to iron. It's soothing to me.

23. I may or may not have a slight obsession with office supplies: pens, pencils, decorative papers, notebooks....

24. I prefer to be at home than anywhere.

25. I don't understand "boredom."

26. My husband thinks I am too hard on the kids.

27. I think my husband isn't hard enough.

28. We eat dinner as a family every night that he is home.

29. I make a traditional Sunday dinner every Sunday.

30. We eat out less than once a month.

31. I have married twice and have never had a wedding with all the fixins.

32. If (god forbid) something happens to this marriage, I won't get remarried.

33. I love to cook but hate to bake.
-------(original list actually stopped here. The rest of this list is new! fresh! exciting!)------
34. I just learned to crochet this past Christmas.

35. It is yet another obsession.

36. I am obsessed with learning how to knit with the needles. I received a loom set for Christmas an love it.

37. I can cast-on, but not knit the first row.

38. I am more scared of success than failure.

39. I have an idea for a non-fiction book that I want to write. I feel like it could be picked up. And while there are many books on this particular subject, there are none that I have found written from the perspective I would write it.

40. If I wrote the book, it could potentially implode my family. The truth can be more hurtful than a lie.

41. I will write a book. Fiction, of course. I have one started (again) and all mapped out.

42. I get obsessively jealous when "celebrities" pen a book. Especially when promoting said book on talk show and admit to using a "collaborator."

43. In other words, said "celebrity" did not write the book. Yet, gets paid.

44. I selfishly wish that just ONE time, someone would call/email and say, "Hey. We saw your stuff. We know you've got it. Here's a check. Turn in the first draft by this date. We look forward to working with you."

45. I also selfishly wish that my blog was one that was so widely read, I would have hundreds of comments a day and possibly get invited to a conference.

46. I think the girl that has the same name as I and has already purchased our name as a domain should pair up. She is a web designer.

47. I always wished I had a sister and an older brother.

48. I can not stand the smell of watermelon. From the actual melon or artificial. It makes me want to vomit.

49. I would like to home school my boys. The younger one is all for it, but the older says no because he likes being in band.

50. My husband doesn't think I am qualified to teach our children.

51. My husband thinks I would make a great teacher for other people's children.

52. People tend to tell me their problems.

53. I like listening to people that need to talk.

54. I am horrible about dealing with my own crazy.

55. I love to watch people.

56. I carry a notebook in my pocketbook so I can write down interesting things I see or hear.

57. I make up little stories for people.

58. Little old ladies and men that are holding hands get happy endings always.

59. I am so quiet that people think I am probably a snob or stuck-up.

60. In actuality, I'd like to think I am one of the nicest people you'll meet.

61. Until you cross me.

62. Or mess with my children, husband, or dogs.

63. Then, you will suffer.

64. I work better at night than in the day.

65. Being a mom doesn't allow me to solely work the night shift.

66. I don't like uneven numbers, but I tend to be drawn to uneven situations.

67. Such as, three items in a sentence: I need milk, eggs, and cheese.

68. Flower arrangements are usually in threes or fives.

69. I only birthed three children.

70. I don't like samples at the grocery store.

71. It grosses me out.

72. I have never driven out-of-state without a parent or husband in tow.

73. I wish I could open my home to foster children.

74. I would probably never want them to leave.

75. I would like to own a beach house.

76. It would be my only house.

77. When I pump my gas, I have to make the money amount end on either a 5 or 0.

78. Which is strange given my dislike for odd numbers.

79. In my mind, quarters are even amounts.

80. I have a secret list of jobs I would like to do.

81. I would like to be a health inspector.

82. My husband said that we'd never eat out again if I did.

83. I'd like to work at a publishing house.

84. I'd also like to work on continuity either on a movie or sitcom.

85. I'd also like to be a midwife.

86. I wish TV was like it used to be.

87. Roseanne, Full House, Family Ties, Cosby: I used to love all those shows and more.

88. I feel old when I say, "When I was a kid..." (I am 36.)

89. Certain Publix commercials make me cry.

90. "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" by Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwoʻole makes me cry, too.

91. I avoid crowds at all costs.

92. I would still like to be in Times Square on New Year's Eve.

93. I have had three short stories published.

94. My short stories can't be found at Borders, Books-A-Million, or even Goodwill.

95. My first story was unofficially named, "Favorite Prose" by facility members.

96. For the other two, I was given awards. First place on the first, second on the second, oddly enough.

97. I support feminism.

98. I also support chivalry.

99. I am raising two boys that will open and hold a door for not only their lady but a stranger; pay for the date even if she called; respect a lady as his contemporary not as the poor sole condemned to cleaning up his over spray in the bathroom.

100. I will never be amazed at my super powers to predict that the toilet paper is low/out and still manage to leave the next person stocked.

If you'd like to read more 100 things penned by some phenom ladies, be sure to click here, read Jessica's and then follow the links at the bottom.

If you are here FROM Jessica's link-up welcome but don't be shy! Leave a comment. Follow me. Look for me on Networked Blogs on Facebook. Or even follow my tweets @coolandhip.

The kids have left for school. It's going to be a good day, folks.

Or at the very least, quiet.

An Old Gal Learns New Tricks

This past week has been a strange week for me. But in hindsight, it has actually been quite good. The dirty laundry might disagree, but we are not on speaking terms at the moment, so I don't care.

The following is a listing of things I have done for the first time this week:
(Author's note: Items are not listed in a particular order. Willy-nilly is the theme.)

• I was contacted to speak to a Girl Scout Troop about writing. This will be my very first public speaking assignment for professional reasons.
  
• Bought some materials to learn to knit, "With two sticks", as Darrin puts it. I have managed to cast-on!
  
• Went into a store to secretly shop and test customer service for a particular product. I can't really talk about this much...it has to remain a mystery. Shhh...
• Was disappointed that school was canceled four days in a row. (They were out yesterday, too, but it didn't bother me.) In the not-so-distant past, I would have whooped and hollered for the chance to sleep in.
  
• Ordered a Unanimous Decision at Moe's rather my usual Funkmeister with Sour Cream. (Sorry, Moe's. I refuse to call it an Overachiever.)
• I learned to make a button for my blog. Here are some rough drafts:

I know. I still have a long row to hoe.

• FINALLY learned what the idiom, "One in the hand is worth two in the bush," means. Thank you, Geico.
• Downloaded Gimp, Picnik, and Picasa. Picnik and Picasa are photo editing software programs that you can download for the low bargain basement price of FREE! While Picnic has more fun features and I am currently obsessed, I really like Picasa for the simple stuff.
• Stepped on the scale and then stepped off. Moved it, reset it, and stepped on it again. Cried. reached highest non-pregnant weight-ever.
  
• Picture this: Darrin is sitting behind me, I am not sure what he is doing. He asks me to spell a word. I spell, "a-l-o-u-d." He is quiet for a few minutes and then holds up a sign he made for his door. It reads, "Horses Aloud!" I never thought to ask which aloud/allowed he wanted to spell....
• Called my neighbor to borrow an ingredient needed to make meatloaf.
• Made a mock-version of Olive Garden's Chicken and Gnocchi soup. I even made the gnocchi from scratch.
• Made a recipe from this website. The next day she was was on "Good Morning America." For some reason, I felt like one of my friends was on. (Note: link will take you directly to the soup I made.)

All of this "new" stuff is on top of my regular work load. No wonder I am behind.

How was your week?

A Word About Certain Words

Yesterday on "The View," Whoopi Goldberg made mention that Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn was being re-written to remove any use of two specific words.

An article discussing the same subject can be found here. The article also details those specific words, in case you weren't aware.

I immediately knew I wanted to write about this, but I chose to sit on it for a day. Off and on, I was thinking about how I really feel about this.

My first reaction, which is also my current reaction, is that the entire project shouldn't be done. Who is to say that any words that are used in the text are wrong and should be omitted?

Oh, wait. The same people that choose to ban that very book out of libraries years ago.

My complaint is two-fold:

1. If the powers that be felt that the book was unfit to be read, how is their "power of speech" more right than Mark Twain's?

2. How can a book be changed as not to offend anyone with certain words yet the very words in question are an integral part of history?

Sure, we don't use these specific words in daily conversation. But we don't use other words either and some of those words may offend those they reference. Remember the term "politically correct?"

Should someone go through and rewrite any book that references policemen, firemen, secretaries, or handicapped?

From the moment someone begins to understand language, he or she could be offended by a word or two. An educated person can look past certain nuances. An educated person should be able to read the context clues. This skill is taught as early as Kindergarten.

We teach our children from early on that certain words are not acceptable. There are certain words that used to be censored from television, but now are as common as one would say leg, dog, or cat. However, the words that are still censored or not used on television can still be heard or seen. Words that I may not allow at my house may be just fine at yours. For example, we made "shut-up" a bad word. But that is for us, in our home.

My point is this: The first Amendment gives us freedom of speech; however, that seems to be a bit of a misnomer.

You can't yell fire in a crowded room. You can't say anything that can will cause harm to another person (slander). You can't write anything that could cause harm to another person (libel). In various situations, it is just understood that certain language is not acceptable, such as a teacher in a classroom.

But, even with our limits when it comes to words, that doesn't mean words that aren't accepted for general use anymore have to be erased as the times change.

I have never said the n-word. I heard it when I was growing up (not a lot), but I never liked it. As an adult, I chose never to use it, even in private conversation or writings that would that would be contextually correct. But does that mean that I am right?

No.

There are other words that I don't like and won't use. I could become offended and find a few hundred people to back me up and have any literature banned that contains those words. Or request that books be written so that I may not be offended.


No, we don't have freedom of speech in the literal sense, but we certainly to have freedom of opinions.

And in my opinion, Huck Finn needs to be left alone. Should the author go ahead with this project, I am reassured that I still have my copies with the original text, tucked safe on the bookshelf so that my boys may have the same experience of a rich novel that I did.

On the Menu: Crow and Humble Pie

Perhaps it is ironic.

No, that would be incorrect usage.

Is it a paradox?

Um, I am not sure.

Whatever it is, I couldn't hear the laughter for all my self-promotion and horn tootin'.

After all my talk about grammar, mechanics, and usage, this morning I got a big smack in the face. There are some areas of mechanics that I have to focus on and really think about when proofreading anything. But for the last six months, I have been reading grammar books like other people read the latest release off the Best Seller's List.

I thought that I had reviewed areas I had forgotten, learned things I never knew, and strengthened skills I was already using.

And then, the unthinkable happened.

This morning, after logging onto one of the content providers I write for, a new section calling for proofreaders opened up. I knew this element was coming, and I was excited for it. In order to be granted access, a ten-question test has to be passed with a 90% or better. Those receiving a failing grade can re-test three months from the test date.

So, I took the test.

And in three months I can try again.

In the meantime, I will be spending some time studying and taking some tests.
Interactive Online Grammar Exercises - English Grammar Connection
BBC - Skillswise - Words - Grammar
Basic Skill Practice Games
Grammar and Punctuation | The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation

Since I started this post, I had to go into the forum of the content site to find a link. Others started a thread stating that they had not passed the test either. Hmm...interesting.

This shall be the next-to-last time I mention the blatant misuse of someone's grammar or mechanics.

Here it goes:

As seen on a banner for a new business opening in town, "So-and-So's Thrift Shop. Now accepting ladie's clothes...."

As seen in my own bureau drawer, a returned envelope addressed to "The Manco's."

Oh yes, I did.

Mad About Apostrophes

Yesterday afternoon we had to go into town, so I asked Big Daddy if we could also pop in WalMart.

I am not sure why I "asked" except to be one of those great wives I've heard about. You know the ones. Asking was actually a moot point as I was the one doing the driving. All I had to do was pull into the lot.

On second thought, I do know why I asked. It was more of an, "unless you have an exceptional reason why I can't, I will be stopping at WalMart," than needing permission. If I pull into someplace that was not on the agenda he will ask, "Why are you stopping here? What do you need?" This annoys me. Not because he is bossy or overbearing. Just because.

Speaking of things that annoy me, which is also the point I was getting to, as we are driving into the parking lot, there is a truck with the bed open, a cage on the ground, and a sign that reads, "Puppy's 4 sale."

I say rather loudly, "'Puppy's' for sale? REALLY?" With a definitive emphasis on the "s." Then I said, "Can I please turn around and inform them that their sign is wrong? They need to know. People may be ignoring them because of that sign."

Big Daddy just looked at me and said, "They are selling puppies in a WalMart parking lot. They don't care."

Before you write that hate mail and point out all my grammar mistakes from the past, hear me out:

I am not perfect in my grammar. Seriously though, I try. And mistakes are going to be found anywhere. I found one a couple of days ago in a book I was reading about writing.

But the apostrophe, it is the most abused punctuation mark. Even more than the overzealous exclamation point. The poor apostrophe has been so cruelly abused that entire websites have been set up in its honor.


Here and here as well as here ....

You get the idea.


My fear that the apostrophe abuse it is only going to get worse before it gets better. People were probably confused about the puppy (ies).

"So the puppy is for sale?"
"Only one puppy is for sale? Why did they come here for one?"

I saw a sign a couple of weeks ago that read, "Hot Iron's $6.99"

Maybe I am just jumping to conclusions. Or conclusion's.

Learning Curve

I think we have long established the list of things that I don't do well.

I think it has also long since been established the one thing that I do do well is the fact that I CAN list the things I don't do well.

(In case you were wondering, I giggled to myself at the "do do" above. Sign # 4356 that I am the mother of boys.)

You may be surprised to learn that I am terribly shy. Like, probably-need-to-be-medicated shy.

But my shyness has a limit. In front of a classroom of kids, I am (at least in my mind) the funniest, most outgoing person you could meet. I will joke, dance, do yoga, sing a song, or stand on my head if it means that a child will learn something. But let another adult walk into the room, and my heart starts pounding, my hands get palmy, my throat gets dry, and I probably sound like a blithering idiot.

When it comes to my online presence, I am more outgoing, until it comes to how shall I say? Pimping myself out?

Sure, those that are friends with me on facebook know that I will occasionally post something that I wrote or brag about something I did, but that's about it.

Recently, I had an epiphany about this shyness. I realized that the people that are succeeding with their blogs, writing careers, referrals, or anything else that necessitates networking are well, networking.

Twitter. LinkedIn. Stumble. Facebook. Etc. and so forth.

I have been writing for six months. Hundreds of articles, newsletters, how-to advice, and web content for other people. Copyrights sold. Nothing save for six articles on the Yahoo! Contributor Network (formally Associated Content) that has my byline on it.

For the last few days, I have been stepping out of my comfort zone. Not real far. Baby steps really.

I will be successful. Or at least will have something to show. For someone to say, "Well, she tried. That's for sure."

Who knows? One day you all can say, "I knew her when no one knew her."