Not Getting What You Want: A Marriage Guide to Home Improvement

As I mentioned in the past Sunday's SOC post, Big Daddy did some remodeling on the pan cabinet as per my request.

Obviously it did not turn out the way I wanted. I was honest. His feelings were hurt.

The problem was a lack of clear communication. Or at least that is what I told him. He disagreed.

Here was our conversation. You be the judge:

Me: I saw a show today. This guy took tracks and made his cabinets more versatile. I think we should do that with the pan cabinet.

Him: Oh. Yeah. I know what you are talking about. I can do that.

Six months later....

Me: I wonder how much it would cost to reconfigure the pan cabinet. Can we go up to Ye Old Home Improvement Store and get some estimates?

Him: Sure. ::takes nap. No trip to YOHIS.::


One month later...which brings us to last week.

Me: While you are vacation, do you think you could work on the pan cabinet? Do you think it will cost a lot?

Him: No. Those tracks are cheap, and I have plenty of wood.

Me: What is "cheap?"

Him: Five or six bucks.

Me: Oh okay! Now, let me show you how  I would like the cabinet to work. First of all, can you ....

Him: I know what you want. Just leave it to me.

Two days and eight hours later...

Him: Your cabinet is done!

Here is what I wanted:

Pans not included

And this is what he lovingly did for me:

No pans were harmed during filming

You would think that after twelve years of marriage, I would have learned my lesson. This is not the first time I haven't gotten what wanted.

From this point forward, I shall be drawing, sketching, researching, and purchasing any materials needed before asking  for something of this magnitude again. I am totally heeding the advice that Fadra gave me in Sunday's post.


Learn from my many mistakes. I think I finally have.




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Lowered Expectations

I think I need a shopping intervention when it comes to getting groceries.

I've known for quite sometime that I had issues in this department. I should probably turn myself in to do some psychological study. Someone could get wealthy from studying me, and I am hoping that I am not alone when it comes to my shopping habits.

I mean, I could probably give a whole new meaning to passive-aggressive behavior.

Today was especially bad being that it was Saturday and in interest of saving as much money as I could, we chose to go to the gates of hell Wal Mart.

And just let me tell you, that if we were in a better financial position, I would never set foot in that establishment. Hopefully after my neighbor shows me what she has been doing with her couponing next week, I shall never have to darken that doorway again.

The passive side of me comes in the path that I walk. I tend to be the person on the right side of the aisle, as if I were driving a car. Apparently, I am the only one that does that as I tend to have to stop a lot to allow others to pass me that are coming head-on. This is where the aggressive side comes in, as I getting rather (rhymes with hissy) for having to do this.

Big Daddy doesn't mind coming with me, and for this, I am eternally grateful. I always channel Monica saying to Chandler, "I'll cook whatever you want in there, and do whatever you want in there."

While we go through the Health and Beauty section, I'll leave the buggy at the end of an aisle, he stands guard, and I dart in to grab my selections. Sounds easy enough, but inevitably, some person will be all, "Excuse me" (said in an exasperated voice) and get right in front of me.

Sure, go ahead. Your deodorant/shampoo/soap selection is more important than mine.

See what I mean?

So, we bob and weave up and down the aisles, all the while my heart rate and anxiety is escalating. No matter what methods I try to take, I am in someone's way. How do I get past this?

Another example: two nights ago, Nick and I ran into Krogers to pick up some junk for his "non-end-of-the-year-party," cat food, and dog food. We are walking to the exit, and I notice that four or five people are coming in. We have to make a turn to get out, so we stop. (Passive) This dude that is walking behind me goes around and continues his exit. This ticks me off, so I loudly say, "Well of course you should go ahead. I am clearly not trying to get out of this store. I am standing here as decoration." (Aggressive)

Not that I think I am better than anyone else trying to get those everyday low prices, but it just seems to me that if we all did the same thing, there would be less aggression for all. Instead of people wheeling those buggies around willy-nilly, there would be better flow.

And don't even get me started with the family reunions that seem to happen on the most popular aisles. They always block the way and are oblivious that this is a public place and there are other people trying to get their groceries on.

Now that the kids only have one more day of school, and I am officially unemployed, my shopping shall be done early on a weekday. That will help somewhat, but there will come a time that Big Daddy needs to go somewhere on a rare Saturday or Sunday he is off.

How do you handle the shopping?

You'd think I'd learn

Mistake #1- I didn't want the dogs' crate in the dining room (not enough room) or in the garage (let's not go there), so I put it in the laundry room.

Mistake #2- I told Big Daddy I wanted to move some cabinets in the laundry room to better utilize the space.

Mistake #3- Not realizing that it could not be as simple as moving a couple of cabinets.

Mistake #4- Wanting to re-do in the first place.

Mistake #5- Forgetting that the camera batteries are dead and now the whole wide world can't see the mess we've created just as school is going to start.

It's not the beach, but it'll do

I woke up this morning and was thinking about writing. I wondered why I don't have these deep and thoughtful entries on the wonder of my children, the beauty of our marriage, and anything else that would fall under the category of "warm fuzzies" and linked by millions of other mommy-bloggers: If you read nothing else this week, read this!

Does anyone else wake-up and have an immediate sense of self-doubt?

Big Daddy and I have been busy this week, but it has actually been enjoyable. We are getting ready for a yard sale and have a TON of stuff. We have gotten the garage cleaned up in the meantime, and save for a couple of minor drawers, I have the entire house organized. Of course, if you came and rang the bell this second, you'd think I was a liar.

Being I tend to be an overachiever, I decided while I was "cleaning" to finish a project that I have been working on for about, oh, two years. And that project turned into another project....you see where I am going. I'll have some photos soon.

I have also ran into a kink on the book and have written a whole page and a half in the last week. At this rate, I should be done by menopause.

Big Daddy found out on Tuesday that he has been transferred to another store. That store is father away. We knew it was a real possibility, but we anticipated him being back at the store that is in our town. He is bummed, as this means the end of his Weenie Wagon Weekends, but we are reminding each other of the obvious; he still has a job at the same pay.

Then, last but not least, I may or may not be addicted to a certain social networking site. Furthermore, I can neither confirm or deny that within that site there is a particular game that necessitates constant tending and harvesting with receiving and sending gifts.

Or so I hear.



That's my summer thusfar. How is yours?

Maybe if I had a reality TV show

Remember when I used to complain about my OCD tendancies? Or more accurately my husband's complaints?

Well, apparently I am cured.

Two weeks ago, we made some new bedroom assignments. Actually, we just moved Darrin out of the room he shared with Nicholas. Darrin moved into my "office." That meant that something around 4,000 books had to be moved out of that closet. To make a long, boring story shorter, one mess moved into one room, morphed into twice its size and ooozed into another and so on and so forth. In the process of splitting the boys up, that meant the toys had to be divvied up, so I also took that opportunity to get rid of the broken toys and gather outgrown/unwanted toys for the yard sale we've planned.

I like to take this moment to address the sheer mass of things those two boys have. I am not sure where they got it. It must be all "Toy Story" up in there while we are sleeping. Scooby Doo is my main suspect. He must have impregnated Anikan Skywalker... Hey, if a man can have a baby or two, why not?

Ok, so the point of that incredibly long paragraph of little clarity is that had I actually HAD OCD things wouldn't have gotten out of hand to begin with. And the more closets/cabinets/drawers I go through, the worse I feel. Plus, there is the whole issue of dust and dirty handprints that I hadn't noticed until lately.


It's been overwhelming. Now I feel as if I have led you astray with my cleaning prowess that I never possessed.

This must be what Kate Gosselin should feel like.

In other news, I am having a little contest. My Facebook friends know this already...I am looking for a cute name for a coffee shop. The winner will be a character in the book (not necessarily at the coffee shop).

Here are some suggestions thus far:

Carpe Coffee
Cool Beans
How Ya Bean?
Jitter Bean
Vibrations
The Grind
Spill the Beans
Coffee Paradise
A Whole Latte Love
Villiage Cup

I will pick the winner on Friday and announce it here and Facebook.


[Insert catchy and hilarious ending here]

And now, a word from our sponsors

The way our house is situated, we don't get any significant shade in the yard until the late evening. This makes car washing a difficult task. Because our driveway is in full sun all day, my dad recommended Mr. Clean AutoDry Carwash.

I bought it about a year ago.

I really like a clean car, but I don't like the fuss and muss of getting stuff out. I am the one you see at the Kroger car wash. If times are tight or if the car is extra dirty, I'll do it myself at one of those pull-up places.

Big Daddy was so sweet and requested that I wash my car ( a Malibu) so he can take it tonight when he carpools with some other managers to another store.

Let's not even get started why he can't take his Ford Explorer.

So, after some searching for the Mr. Clean AutoDry CarWash that I had bought a year ago and hadn't ever used but found it because BD had opened it and apparently it is too hard to put things that belong together on one shelf then finding it but it had goop all over it and then couldn't find the box for the directions which is weird because he keeps all boxes--big and small--then having to get the one hose we own off the spigot in the front yard even though I have been saying forever we need another hose for the back spigot after we drag it around the house we can not get the sprayer off oh and did I mention I was going to vaccum and clean the inside first but couldn't because he took our extension cords with him to the store for the weenie wagon and then I cursed inside my head for about ten minutes then sent him a text message saying that butt kissing had better happen as soon as he got home then cried because I was tired because I had only slept about an hour all together the night before......


Now, if I was going to be perfectly honest, the car was quite dirty. The last time it had gotten "washed" was about a month ago at the Kroger and even then it didn't do that great of a job. It is hot and buggy here right now. So the car was actually dirty, not just some mud swiped like they'd do in an infomerical.

We sprayed and started washing. In a couple of places it took some elbow grease, but in all seriousness, the gunk came off LIKE A DREAM. So smooth, quick, and easy. I am not kidding. And I couldn't believe how quickly and nicely the car dried on its own. I will be purchasing more soap and another filter- it's that good. I don't think my car has been this clean since we bought it new.

It's an '04.



Now, if Mr.Clean can get me a product that would help my husband with his lack of organizational skills, I'll go to work for them.

OCD works for me

****Disclaimer****I am in no way trying to make light of OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). I was diagnosed with it many years ago; a mild case. While I can keep it in control most of the time, it is very real and can be debilitating at times. The following is an example of how luck was on my side.


Friends, I saw my life flash before my eyes earlier this evening. All I know is that there is a higher power on my side.

Around 9:44 , a girl (let's call her Kayla) called me to ask about two assignments that are due tomorrow.

I pull up my documents and plug in my flash drive. And then, it happened.

The first assignment was 25 multiple questions with five of those being short essay. Here's an example:

In each of the following situations, a student either is learning or has learned something. (1) Classify each of the situations as involving either classical or operant conditioning. (2) Defend your answer by analyzing the situation within the context of the learning paradigm you have chosen.
a. When James begins running down the hall toward the cafeteria, his teacher asks him to walk instead. James begins walking, and the teacher gives him a smile. After that, James always makes sure that he walks rather than runs to the cafeteria.
b. Ralph's friend offers him an illegal drug. Ralph takes the drug and finds that it makes him feel great. Ralph begins to buy the drug himself and takes it more and more frequently.
c. Linda is a bright, academically capable girl. Once when she was sick, she failed an important test. Now she is very anxious whenever she takes a test.

This just happened to be one she was asking about. Only my essay answers weren't on my copy; only the mulitple choice. I log into the online campus where we upload assignments and pull mine that I had so smugly submitted a week ago.

I. Had. No. Essay. Section.

Blood pressure hit rock bottom. Sweating increased. Mind started to swirl.

Frantically, I start opening file folders on both my flash drive and documents. The only copy I have doesn't have the essay section.

Wait.

I remember having at least half of those answered. I could see myself working on them last Monday. I can see myself asking about the above question on Tuesday (specifically situation B) and I can see my self finishing said questions on Wednesday....

I am OCD when it comes to saving files. Need a drink? Hit save. Phone rings? Hit save. Want to copy a link? Hit save.

Over three hours of work was gone. Erased. Vanished. The assignment is due by 11 pm Wednesday. I could redo them, but. But. BUT.

I selfishly mentioned it to Sarah in our email exchange to make HER feel better. Whatever she did worked, because after about 30 minutes and 5000 clicks (who knew there was so much junk in a computer?), I found it.

Right where I left it.

Only it was mislabeled. By the teacher when I downloaded the assignment. And placed exactly where I wanted it- in my folder labeled "EDU 221." You know, so I could find it and all.

So something knew that I had the wrong assignment turned in. Thank goodness for Kayla, Sarah, and OCD.

Trust your gut instinct-it works for me.

Special thanks to Shannon, for hosting Works For Me Wednesday.

The best laid--

I had a plan.

Because I have a husband that understands how important my education is to me, and the children that are at the age homework is primarily solo, handling my homework was going to be fine. I would even be able to blog regularly. It was even recommended! Ok, technically that was the Media Writing professor, but still... Life was golden.

Then, it happened.

The youngest decided learning would not be on his agenda this week. I decided that it would be. We fought nightly until bedtime. I do not exaggerate.


I wrote a note to his teacher asking for her help. She thinks he is struggling (not just lazy as I suspect) and wants to meet next week. We may possibly modify his instruction.

::sigh::

I came into today thinking there was no problem; it's a four-day weekend! I can accomplish my long to-do list and get back on schedule.

-At the library today, there was a sign for an interesting lecture . There is a couple of hours at least gone from Saturday to attend.

-Big Daddy wants me to help him with the Weenie Wagon on Sunday. "Only" from 11-5, he says. It is hot this weekend. I will be exhausted by the time we get home.

-I promised the boys we'd go shopping. Pants shopping-always a crowd pleaser. ::shudders::

-I have this bad habit of wanting to sleep at night. Maybe I should trade with one of my friends who wishes she could.

All my professors have talked this week on how important reading, writing, and critical thinking is for growth. Being they didn't mention format, you think I could convince them that daily blogging (including reading and commenting on others) is essential?

Then, my plan would be complete. Except for that whole stubborn 8-year old business. Unfortunately, he gets it honest.

Don't tell him.

Works-For-Me #1

Finally!

I am going to join the rank of the hundreds that flock to Rocks In My Dryer for her weekly, What Works for Me. (I LOVE this series.)

For as long as I have been living in my own home, I have kept the medicine in the kitchen. The location depended on the cabinetry in each house.

In this house, the medicine wound up in the cabinet that housed the plates. It was a good place, for me, until my husband would get in there and things wouldn't get put back properly. It seemed as though every time I would open the cabinet, there would be something laying on the plates, and I would have to reorganize.

*Dramatization*

Then, the idea hit me! Move the medicine and avoid frustration!

So, I was rearranging the cabinets anyway to make room for my new dishes. I decided if I changed the meds to be in the drawer, he would be forced to put things back.






It worked like a charm!

Three weeks have gone by and the drawer is just as neat as it was the day I did it.

Not getting ticked at Big Daddy? Works for me!




Thanks so much for stopping by. :)